A Whole New Me

2003-01-15T16:12:00.000-06:00

So I went to the Thespian meeting today. I had much fun. It wasn't nearly as entertaining as other thespian meetings, but Lauren had her new script with her. It's Lord of the Rings; Two Towers, but she butchered it to death by making it funny. And it IS funny. She's got Mrs. Thetard as the Coffee Fetcher (as revenge of course) and J-Palm as the arrogant dwarf Gimli. I'm stage manager, off-stage voice, and rampaging Aragorn fan. I get to scream fuck and comfort Will/Saruman when the stupid main character steal his scene. She hates Frodo, so she killed him off and replaced him with Kiri, who is now a courageous hobbit who kills Ben Johnson/Gollum. Tres funny. I laughed very hard, and I think Mrs. Thetard got pissed at me. I've got nothing much to write now. It was a very boring day. My algebra test was rescheduled, much to my surprise and delight. I killed a solo in Chorus and I'm never singing alone in class again outside of a joke or something. I got a hold of a "script" written by someone I despise, and I'm going to alter it a bit and make it porno then give it back to him and tell him what a sicko he is. I swear, if it goes to plan, I can die happy.

2003-01-15T00:48:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the lack of a place to comment. I made a mistake whence trying to fix my template and deleted my master account. So I've got no way to fix anything, not even the template. If I get the nerve to try this again, I'm going to create a new blog like this one as a replacement, and see if I can get everything up and running again.

2003-01-14T21:27:00.000-06:00

Oi. So it seems as though my blog has acquired fans. How wierd is that? I'm not entirely sure how comfortable I am with it, however, with a few small changes, things can go in another direction. I may create a new one all together. We'll just see. However, newbs, give me a hollar, so I can keep a headcount and see what changes I have to make.

2003-01-12T21:03:00.000-06:00

*Sigh* Lately I've been hanging around with people who are "love-starved", and it's starting to rub off on me. I've heard from three different people that they are sick of being alone, and wish they had someone (of the romantic genre) to talk to and hug and kiss. Now I'm starting to feel lonely again, too. I hate it when that happens. I'm so impressionable, and it's times like this I really regret my... impressionability. All those old feelings are starting to resurface, after I've repressed them for so many months. *I'm afraid I'll be alone forever and never have a special "someone." What if I never fall in love, get married, and have a family? Who will be there when I grow old and finally die? What if I'm not attractive enough to have a boyfriend? Am I an inadequate person?* And upon talking to another person about self-worth, I realize I don't know myself very well. I won't let myself think about who I really am, and thus I start to lose who I was. I've been lying to myself. I'm uncomfortable with the person I think I am, so no wonder I can't sleep at night. I toss and turn and think about all the things I've done wrong over the course of the day, and what people think of me because of my actions. Now I wonder how I can go about finding myself and being comfortable with allowing that person out for a breath of fresh air. And I worry that people can see through my mask. I mean, I was fooling myself, but perhaps others are more perceptive than I am. The question is, if people CAN in fact see through my front, what do they see inside? Or am I hollow?
I've really got to get some different people to talk to.

2003-01-11T20:00:00.000-06:00

This weekend I went to Theatre Fest. It was incredibly fun at some times, and incredibly not at others. I thoroughly enjoyed the van ride there, aside from the scary salad I got at McDonalds. (I still can't believe I supported them. I'm a bad person.) I also enjoyed laying around and eating pizza in the hotel room. We watched Tony, Rob, Liz, and Megan practice for their auditions. Rob was fantastic as always, as was Liz. I noticed an enormous improvement in Liz's dramatic monologue. When she performed it for our class, she was good. When she performed for all of us Thursday night, it brought tears to my eyes. Tony did a Rev. Moore monologue from Footloose. I kept thinking, "Why didn't he do this during the show?" I mean, he was *actually* Shaw Moore. I don't know what changed. It was just... so good. Megan's portfolio was unbelieveable. Her designs and such were so good. She inspired me to start collecting bits and pieces of my prompt books and things for a portfolio. I suppose all of their auditions went well, because Megan got nine callbacks from colleges, and I think the count was pretty close for the rest. We went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. I saw Jen again. It was good to see her again. It seems as though she's doing well with college. We also had a contest to see who got the best fortune cookie fortune. (By adding "in bed" to it, of course.) Jen won. Hers said, "Constant grinding can turn an iron rod into a needle...in bed." I saw The Laramie Project on Friday. It was about Matthew Shepherd, the gay boy who was beat to death by a couple of guys his age. It was VERY good. I cried numerous times. I also saw MacBeth, the All State show. I didn't understand it because I kept falling asleep, as it was very warm. But the actors were sooo good, as were the lights. I also went to two stage managment workshops. I took lots of notes. I went to a few other workshops, but they weren't noteworthy or blogworthy. I went to Rumors today. It was good, but it wasn't as good as everyone told me it was. The acting was good, but not outstanding. The set was really cool, as were the costumes. But I've decided I'm not a huge fan of Neil Simon (the author). *Sigh* I think I'll write more tomorrow, but right now I'm really tired.

2003-01-05T01:07:00.000-06:00

What have I been doing since New Years? Reading, watching the Bachelor, and working on an argument about the validity of using the human mind as justification for any given principle, idea, tool, etc. I'm going to post it because I have nothing better to do. It needs work, (lots and LOTS of work) but I think it could eventually be a very good counterargument for a guy I've been debating online.

Our beloved Matt here started out this string by asking us a rather simple, yet seemingly very good question. I'm going to reword it, because he really didn't need to make it so complicated. (Although I still maintain he was using big words [and lots of them] to attempt to confuse people.) He asked, "How do you justify any given idea or tool?"
Many of us on the side I'm going to call the Protagonist Team, for lack of a better term, attempted to explain "the standard" we use. Our justification was the mind.
Matty here, on the other hand, refuted this justification by proposing that the mind is fallible. I'm going to completely disregard any mention of finity for now, because it seems irrelevant. Everything is finite, excluding supreme beings, not specifically the Christian God.
Of course, everyone agreed. People make mistakes. (I mean, they agreed on this. It wasn't a mistake to agree... although some would disagree with statement. *Wink.*) It is inevitable. However, the humans that will pass along reliable DNA are the humans who learn from their mistakes. Learning from mistakes doesn't make the mind any less fallible, only more reliable. (Matt, good buddy, don't even TRY to prove that one wrong. Reliability and fallibility are completely different. Related, but not dependent.)
So, back to the initial argument. Can this reliability be used to justify "any given principle, tool, or view?" Yes, it can.
Say a teenaged girl has her first boyfriend, and he tricks her into having sex with him. Even though they used protection, he gets her pregnant. She has an abortion and everything returns to normal. Our young girl made a mistake. Her mind was fallible. However, in making that mistake and recognizing the consequences of the action, she learned a valuable lesson, and will not make the same mistake again. Her brain has made a reliable conclusion, but it is not without it's flaws. The same girl previously decided to never have sexual intercourse again until she is married or at least ready to have a child. However, she decides that perhaps she could still engage in oral sex to compensate the loss of one of her new favorite pastimes. She gets a new boyfriend and they exchange, *ahem*, oral pleasures. What this new boyfriend did not tell her was that he had genital warts. Our little test subject now has genital warts in her mouth. She gets treated and it's been months since she's had a breakout. She swears off all kinds of sexual activities (excluding kissing) until marriage. Her brain recognized the fallibilities of it's previous decision, felt the consequences of the loophole, revised it, and formed a new conclusion. By recognizing mistakes in ideas formed and changing them to try a new plan, her brain has gained experience. Experience equals reliability, but keep in mind that it is still no less prone to mistakes than it was before. Our young girl made a mistake, and now has reliable experience which justifies most decisions made in the same area. She has just proven that reliability can justify an idea or tool.
Now to bring religion/theistic ideas into the mix. Matt mentioned that because the human mind is finite (does not exist for ever) and fallible. He also said that because God is infinite, he is infallible.
Let me point out that the human mind is not fallible because it is finite. The two are COMPLETELY unrelated. Here are the definitions according to this handy online Dictionary:
Main Entry: fi·nite
Pronunciation: 'fI-"nIt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English finit, from Latin finitus, past participle of finire
Date: 15th century
1 a : having definite or definable limits b : having a limited nature or existence
Main Entry: fal·li·bil·i·ty
Pronunciation: "fa-l&-'bi-l&-tE
Function: noun
Date: 1634
: liability to err
Matt was incorrect in concluding that because the human mind is finite, it is fallible. Therefore, his statement regarding God was incorrect. The Christian God is believed to be both infinite and infallible, yes. However, God is not infallible because of his infinity.
I'm going to start this argument off by looking at it through an atheist's eyes. Most atheists believe that God is an idea created by man. Because it's now well-accepted that the mind is fallible, then God (the idea) must have some fallibility somewhere. I'm not claiming to know what that is, but it's got to be there somewhere. Now, a Christian would say that God is infallible because the Bible says so. Still standing in the atheist's place, the Bible was written by man, inspired by the now fallible idea of God. The Word of God (being the Bible) is now flawed because it was written and inspired by two fallible sources.
Now let's switch paradigms. A Christian needs help with a problem, so they turn to God. God gives them an answer, and the person makes a decision using the best judgment they can based on the advice God gave them. But because God never gives you a straight-out answer (He wants you to learn, right?), they made the wrong decision and suffered the consequences. God is still infallible in Himself, but the fallibility of the human far exceeds the infallibility of God, thus making God unreliable for making decisions.
In conclusion, God can be used to justify a deciding factor in a decision, but cannot be used to justify the decision itself. He can/will only inspire, he cannot/will not create. The only FINAL justification for an idea, view, tool, action, etc. is the mind, it's experiences, it's reliability, and it's ability to produce an effective idea or tool with minimal negative consequences.

See, it makes *some* sense. To me at least... gah. I'm so dumb. Not to mention a dork. I worked for two days on that thing and I've gotten nowhere. I was trying to justify the use of the human mind in... well... justification of decisions (it was a bit more complex than that, but you'd have to read the string) looking at it from different points of view. Nonreligious, atheistic, and theistic. (Specifically Christian, since that was the specific religion he was trying to prove.) It's really not ordered well and probably not very logical, but I'm doing my best. I don't know if it'll ever be ready to use. *Sigh* I'm so dumb.

2002-12-31T17:58:00.000-06:00

Just curious- has anyone seen my Sims Livin' Large? I may have loaned it out at some point and I'm curious as to where it went.

2002-12-31T10:33:00.000-06:00

(Why hasn't anyone updated their journals? And there's still a huge lack of commentage. I have to say, I'm disappointed in all of you.)
I was very sick all of yesterday. I spent all sunday night (monday morning) throwing up in the bathroom. I didn't get to sleep until about five, and slept until eight. Then I woke up and took a series of naps on and off through the day and finally went to sleep until this morning at about five-thirty. I was getting really angry because I was supposed to go to my friend's house and watch lots of movies. But nooooo. I had to get sick. Isn't that just the way?
The trip to the Ozarks was fun. Tiffany's brother was insanely annoying, but what can you do? I couldn't believe my luck. There were soo many hot guys. The absolute highlight was when we were watching movies with seven of the hottest guys in the state. I could have died! Yes, call me Ms. Estrogen.
I have no plans for New Years. *Sigh* Oh well. I don't need to do anything like that tonight, 'specially after being sick. But, in case anyone reads this withi the next few hours, I *would* enjoy visitors on their way to various parties.
I'm watching Men in Black II with my brother. Has it come to this?

2002-12-25T21:18:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how fast things can change. It seems like last year I was running around in little frilly dresses with my cousins passing the time until we could open presents. We would play with the puzzles and games that my grandma kept in the guest-room closet. When it came time to open presents, we would rush over to Aunt Jo's next door and crowd around the bottom of the tree and suffer through waves of pictures and poking and proding. Now... now it's so different... I can't stand my cousins anymore. It gets worse every year... we all get there, and all the kids sit silently eating their snacks on the living room floor. Then my brother passes out the presents, we open them according to age (youngest to oldest), fake smiles and thank yous, then leave. We're there for maybe two hours, tops. I'm losing touch with my family. My uncles are as close as ever, telling dirty jokes and telling the same stories that we've heard for years. My aunts are close too. They sit together in the kitchen laughing and gossipping about the celebrities and family members. Rebecca, Marita, Elise, Melissa, and Kelly lock themselves in Rebecca's bedroom and talk. I'm invited, but I don't go very often. I know what they talk about. Boys, make-up, plucking various parts of the body, and their friends. It's all the same. I hear the same thing every time: nothing changes but the names. They're absolutely intolerable. Not just because of what they talk about, but about the people they've become. Elise hates everything, her mom, her dad, her dad's girlfriend and her daughter, her family, her friends, her life. She purposefully ruined her father's engagement because she didn't like Lisa's daughter, Corrine. She ODed on nasal spray just because she thought she wasn't getting enough attention around the house (This is self-declared, not a parental diagnosis). She's rude, she drinks, she does drugs, and has A LOT of sex. She's only a few months older than I am. Her twin, Melissa, isn't nearly as bad as Elise is, but does a lot of the same stuff so Elise won't leave her behind. Marita hates her life as well, and is moving to Vegas in January because she hates her dad. I went to her room at her mom's house. It smells like weed and she has syringes and a stack of condoms in the corner. Rebecca, Marita's stepsister, is almost the same as Marita is, though a little less wreckless. She's also impossibly vain. I've never seen anyone put on makeup to go to bed before. Kelly's an idiot. She's so smart, but really doesn't use it for anything other than trying to figure out excuses to get out of school, punishment, work, etc. The third generation of my family is completely falling apart, and it scares the shit out of me. I'm never going to see Marita again, Elise is killing herself and her sister, Kelly's going to wind up married to an asshole, living in a shithole, and eternally pregnant. Now I really feel left behind. I'm the only one of the grandkids who seems to realize how badly things have been going since Grandma died. Or maybe I'm the only one of the grandkids who has failed to grow up. Whichever it is, I don't like it. Change is an inevitable monster, leaving the destruction of uncertainty in it's path.
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour;
Then leaf subsides to leaf-
So Eden sank to grief,
So Dawn goes down to Day,
Nothing gold can stay.

2002-12-24T22:06:00.000-06:00

Where the hell is everyone?! Comment, for the love of GOD!
I hate it when everything gets over on Christmas Eve. The anticipation is half the fun. We opened our presents tonight. I got a Mizzou sweatshirt, a wooden plaque that says "drama queen", and a Paul McCartney "back in the u.s." cd. It's so good. Right now, I'm listening to Blackbird. Such a pretty song. I think I'm going to start collecting Beatles albums. I should have started a long time ago. "Blackbird singin' in the dead of night..."
Oh yeah, apparently I have road rage. Some girl cut us off in heavy traffic yesterday, and gave us the finger, so I gave it back. It turned out she was going to the same neighborhood we were. She turned left at a street we were turning right, so we pulled up right next to her. I rolled down my window and screamed, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, JACKASS!" at the top of my lungs. I wasn't even driving. Whoo, I'm gonna have fun when I get my liscense. *Wink*
Yes, it's been a good day.
COMMENT!

2002-12-24T13:41:00.000-06:00

This morning was quite possibly the world’s most perfect morning. I woke up at 9:30 and noticed the curtains were wide open. I looked outside and saw that it was snowing. There was a light blanket of perfect snow- you know, how it looks before kids have started making snow angels and snowmen. I got a shower and came downstairs, and mom handed me a hot molasses cookie and a glass of milk; my favorite Christmas snack. Every year my dad makes them for the Karl family Christmas party. It’s the only time of the year I get them. Then I helped my aunt Cindy make an apple pie and lots of dips for crackers. After the pie was done, I sat down and watched the Santa Clause with Tim Allen. The highlight of the morning had to be eating my hot molasses cookie and milk watching the snow fall.
I love Christmas. I’m in such a Christmassy mood.

2002-12-22T20:37:00.000-06:00

I went to see Lord of the Rings the Two Towers last night. It was REALLY good. Megan was right- it was soooo beautiful! Gollum was done really well, and I was especially pleased with his schizo scene. I laughed so hard I was in tears. The guy next to me was really annoying. He kept making fun of the movie and how poorly done some of the green-screens were. He laughed when people died. I didn't like him one bit. Then we went back to Tiffany's house and watched the Others, which was good as well. We were going to watch another scary movie (Can't remember which), but we fell asleep. All in all, it was a lot of fun. We had lots of soda and candy. I accidently ate a coconut Nestle treasure, and I gagged on it. I hate coconut.
Mmm... I'm watching this television show about a P.O.W. camp in Japan. Some guy is talking about burning the bodies of the dead prisoners. He said that at his first burning, he threw a body on the burning heap and watched it. It sat up, twisted around, and "looked" at him. I don't think I want to watch this television show anymore. *Shivers* I think I need a hug.

2002-12-21T01:27:00.000-06:00

Final Exams Grades:
Spanish: Listening- 80%, Reading comprehension and vocabulary- TBA
Intro to Theatre: 78%
U.S. Studies: TBA
Chemistry: 77%
Algebra: 74%
I did very badly on all my tests. I wasn't prepared enough at all. Or I didn't get enough sleep. Or maybe it was too much caffeine... I dunno. Doesn't matter. Point is, I'm not terribly pleased. Correction: I'm very proud of my chemistry test grade... I'm at a 79.69% in the class which is a B if I say it's a B... I hope she rounds up on my report card so then I can have a shot at honor role back.
Went to Liz Anhalt's Madrial Party. It was mucho fun. We went caroling at the Baby Fold and a nursing home. The nursing home was the best because this old lady told Liz, "This is my hudredth Christmas, and you all made it happy." Isn't that just... cryful? Which can be good or bad... Then we went caroling at a few houses. We couldn't manage to get Deck the Hall in 7/8 in tune, and I think Corpus was making fun of us. No, no... I KNOW she was making fun of us. Afterwards, we went back to the Anhalts, drank hot chocolate and sang and did our white elephant gifts. Which reminds me! Megan! I forgot to pick up my gift from you off the bed when I left! Sorry!! I'll get it back somehow. I promise! Anyway. Rob got a plastic twinkie kid with a twinkie inside, which, as expected, lead to a great many jokes.
Tomorrow, I'm sleeping in for a LOOOONG time. I'm beginning to miss sleep, so I'm looking forward to it. Tomorrow evening, I'm doing my family Christmas, then going to see LotR with Tiffany, Bobbitt, Emma, and Sarah J., then we're having a sleepover at Tiffany's (excluding Bobbitt). I'm excited. I haven't seen Sarah in forever. Sunday's clear. Monday, I leave for Missouri and don't return until the 29th. I'm still looking for something to do on New Years....
Anyway, since I'm in the Christmas spirit at the moment... Merry Christmas everyone!
Katie

2002-12-18T09:45:00.000-06:00

I'm starting to get into the habit of getting out of PE again. But this week is justified. It's *finals*! I really do study... just... after I finish doing things that I want to do. Like blogging, for instance... and checking other peoples.
Sooooo... things haven't gone according to plan this week. I've spent the last two nights after school typing notes for U.S. studies. Monday night, I got two of the six chapters done for U.S. studies. It seems chapters two and four are longer than I thought. Tuesday night, I finished chapter one, and typed chapter six and half of seven. Chapter one is REALLY long. Five sections, and each of the sections is about twelve pages. They covered everything from ancient peoples moving into north and south America across the land bridge to the Crusades, the Portuguese slave trading, the Spanish Armada, and Christopher Columbus. I think they were trying to cover everything we learned in World Studies in a chapter. About halfway into section three, I realized I had learned everything already, and gave up. About two in the morning, my hands were starting to hurt really bad, and I had to stop. I rested for about fifteen minutes and tried to drink some hot cocoa, but my hands kept spasming. I spilled the hot cocoa twice before it was low enough to stay in the cup. Then I studied Intro to Theatre until 3:15, then decided to call it quits. But of course, the caffeine from the cocoa kept me awake, so I listened to my hypnotism cd, which got me drowzy enough to sleep. The last time I remember seeing on my clock is 3:52. Not bad. Now I'm about to start chapter eleven for U.S. studies. I figure I should probably get that done first, in case I decide to quit with the notes, because I haven't covered that chapter at all this year. I can wing the other one and a half.
Oh yeah, David gave me a six-pack of doubleshots for Christmas, and one doubleshot from Aaron. That oughta last me until Thursday night. Yeehaw. Oh, and I also got a pretty bracelet, a cool pen and matching box, and a Voodoo Doll (A love voodoo doll... watch out boys!) from Katie, and a REALLY pretty journal and gorgeous necklace from Alyssa. I love Christmas. I actually enjoy *giving* things rather than getting them, because I then I get to watch people open them. I don't like it when they don't like their gifts, though. Not that it's ever happened to me before.........

2002-12-17T23:27:00.000-06:00

I strongly object to the Y-chromasome. Whoever invented it should have things thrown at them.
Prince Charming cheated on Cinderella with Snow White... or a dwarf... I've yet to figure out which... anyway, I've lost all faith in boys for the moment. If Prince Charming can't even be faithful to someone like Cinderella, what the hell are the other boys doing? I've figured out what happens after "Happily Ever After" has been said.
*Storms off*
Oh yeah, Bernadette Peters is a goddess.

2002-12-16T20:15:00.000-06:00

Whoo. I didn't think relief was possible in the weeks leading up to finals. But I found it today. I'm not really worried about them anymore. The biggest thing I have to accomplish between now and Thursday is getting my U.S. Studies notes together (We get to use them on the test... I'm rewriting the entire book.) Other than that, all I can do for every other class besides chemistry is review. The reason I'm so relieved is my schedule for Friday is suddenly very, very empty. I have to be at school at 8:00 to sign in for P.E., then I can just leave... and I don't have to be back until noon, at which point I go to take my Chemistry final. I'm not even going to begin to study for Chemistry until Thursday afternoon unless I suddenly find some free time. It's just so wonderful. To have nothing to do for a whole FOUR hours! Isn't it great? I think I'm in love with Mrs. Corpus. She's so good to us.
So... tonight... type ch. 2, 3, 6-8, and 11 for U.S. Studies. Then depending on what time I finish, I'll either go to bed or just study something else until I have to get up for school. Thank GOD I now have money to buy doubleshots with.
Tuesday night... make spanish notes and review Intro to Theatre.
Wednesday night... finish Algebra cheatsheet and review Spanish.
Thursday night... the last all-nighter I'll have to pull for at least two weeks. I'll be studying chemistry from about 4:00 to whenever I have to get up in the morning. Once again, thank god for money and Energy In A Can. I'll either sleep my free time away or study chemistry from 8:00 to 12:00. Then I take my final, and I'm free at 1:30. Isn't it nice to see an end in sight?
Elated for the moment,
Katie

2002-12-15T23:55:00.000-06:00

'Twas an odd sort of week. It seemed to drag on forever, yet looking back on it, I can't believe I'm about to start another week. It just went at warp speed. Anyway, I think the only reason I wouldn't admit to myself that I was getting sick this week was so I could stay in the game long enough to audition. The only reason I went to school on Friday was to see the cast list. After the cast list went up, I had no reason to be at school. But I stayed anyway. I'm getting pretty bad about school. I mean, I'm doing fine in all my classes. I'm getting a 79 in Chemistry, which is REALLY good, especially considering the fact that the thought of spending an hour every day in that class makes me want to hurl myself off the nearest skyscraper. I kicked my book on Friday, and Mrs. Ives saw me and thought I was throwing a tempertantrum, and started chastising me in a very condescending sort of way that started to piss me off. I wasn't mad before, but when she finished, I was boiling.
Anywho, I didn't make Midsummer. The cast list brought a very weird mix of emotions. I was happy that I wasn't cast, upset that so many other people were upset, angry about some of the casting decisions Mrs. Thetard made, and for some strange reason, ashamed. I can't figure out WHY I felt ashamed, but there was definately some kind of shame in the mix. The rest of the day was kind of subdued. I cried during Chorus, but I'm not sure why. I just did. I didn't talk during U.S. Studies at all. I felt compelled to kick my book before Chemistry, and did so. Then I BSed a math test and went home, locked myself in my room and read until I went to sleep. I don't remember feeling or thinking anything at all. All concern, care, worry, shame, happiness... anything at all... had vanished.
Saturday I went Christmas shopping. I got pretty much everyone I could think of gifts, then I ran out of money. So I apologize to those who don't get their gifts before Christmas. You'll get them when I get money. Then there were others, such as Steve, Aaron, Seth, and Megan Hannah, that I had no idea what to get for them. If you have suggestions, let me know. Otherwise, you're gettin' jack.
Okay, now I'm really starting to get tired. If this entry made absolutely no sense to you, it's because my thoughts jumped around. I'm preoccupied at the moment, so not everything comes out in a logical order. Perhaps I'll post what I'm really thinking tomorrow.

2002-12-10T20:21:00.000-06:00

Depressing day. Utterly depressing. Absolutely nothing happened. I got hit in head with a pickleball paddle in PE, and watched Annie Get Your Gun. That was the extent of the excitement for the day. Tiffany *did* get runner-up for the Silent Night solo. I'm very proud of her. I still think either she or Michelle should have gotten it. Michelle had a nice pure voice on the solo, and Tiffany was really powerful during the second part. Kerrie Vesper got it though. I wasn't pleased. U.S. Studies was hella boring. I practiced my audition piece the whole time. In chemistry, I fell asleep again. I've *GOT* to quit doing that. I didn't feel like Christmas shopping after school, so I just walked to Metcalf to get JT. Schini's little sister stopped me in the hallway and asked if "Amanda Donnan REALLY kissed David?" When I said she did, she said, "Oh my god. What a little slut! And I can't believe HE would do that! God!" And stormed off. I laughed really hard for a minute then caught up with her and explained to her that stage kisses don't count, and that she better let him go because he's a.) a junior, while she's only an eighth grader, and b.) he's GOT a girlfriend. It was hysterical. Yes, so anyway, boring day. Tomorrow's the thespian christmas party. Hopefully it will be better than today was. Thursday's my audition for Midsummer.

2002-12-09T20:16:00.000-06:00

I am getting so sick and tired of being in this fucking little shoebox with the people I used to call my family. I can't escape from them. They're everywhere I turn. Or at least the little inbred mutt is. I've been trying to study for finals since last week, and every time I sit down at the computer, he comes and thwaps me with his stupid little duct-taped sword or jumps up and down the steps trying to make noise because he knows I get stressed out when too much is going on. Then I go to my room to study, and here he comes, shooting darts at my door, knocking on the wall with his foot, or playing on his drums, which he just so happened to place against the wall that my room shares with his. So I yell and he does even more obnoxious stuff, and I yell louder. It's a sick circle, and I'm getting tired of it. My patience is worn to the bone because I'm so tired already, and he just keeps picking at me and picking at me. He does it deliberately. Then, of course, my parents take his side. I was at the computer trying to study for my Intro to Theatre final, and he started firing nerf darts at my head, so I threw the gun down the hall. My parents told me that I was being bitchy and destructive, and that he has a right to play. Well, sure, he has a right to play, but why can't he play quietly in his room like normal kids? Does it HAVE to involve tormenting me? For the love of GOD! Get me out of here!!!

2002-12-07T00:59:00.000-06:00

So the show went really well, and the Antigone cast kicks butt. I screwed up a few light cues, and Alyssa fell and scraped her knee because she couldn't see because the spot wasn't on her, but all in all, we kicked butt. I'm very proud of everyone. After the show, we went to Katie Sebald's house for a few hours. It was pretty fun for a while. Then I accidently ate a pepperoni and got to feeling really pukey. When I got home around midnight, I laid on the bathroom floor for ten minutes and got sick. I'm feeling perfectly fine now. It's the strangest thing. I didn't know that happened to vegetarians who haven't been veggie all their lives. I know it happened to Sarah Kelch, but she was raised organic. Maybe it was something else. I'm not entirely convinced it was the pepperoni, but it's still a wierd coincidence.
I've decided I'm going to do everything in my power to try and get to the Halogen Blue show tomorrow night. One Acts will end around nine or so, then we have to strike, which won't take terribly long. Then I'm going to see if I can find a friend going to the concert and tag along. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! Someone, anyone... take me with you!!! I have to go to this thing, because Seth just *skipped* out on us tonight at the show, and I'm very angry with him. But I also miss him a lot. *Pout* You're a jerk, Seth!
Katie

2002-12-06T16:29:00.000-06:00

Within the next two minutes, I'm going to attempt to tell basically what I'm thinking. Please excuse grammatical errors and missing words. I'm bad at typing in the first place:
First of all, I'm so fucking sick and tired of all this jr. high nonsense. All I've heard lately is "he said, she said," crap, "so and so likes so and so, but she likes someone else," "tell her to tell him that I'm done with our relationship." Why can't people take care of their problems for themselves? Especially those so trivial as what I've heard recently. I'm especially tired of the melodrama. People overexaggerate every little thing that goes wrong in their life, and suddenly they're oh, so depressed "wish they were dead." It's bullshit. I know I'm just as guilty of kindergarden behavior as the next high school person, but, really! Some people just take it WAY over the top.
Next, I HATE MY STAGE MANAGER! He can't do anything... and won't do anything. I asked him to take a scene of blocking notes for me because I missed it from being absent for various reasons. One little scene. That's it. Did he do it? No. I asked him to stay after rehearsal and copy down light cues. Did he do it? No. I TOLD him to stay after school and copy down light cues and learn the ones he has to call for me because I can't see or hear that the actors are ready. Did he do it? No. Did all of these things screw up our run yesterday? Yes. Then, today, I heard Mrs. Thetard talking to the other stage managers about what to do in case of an emergency, and I listened in because Alan wasn't there. I remembered all of the things that needed to be done if something goes wrong, and panicked. So I asked Megan Hannah to be on headset during my show and keep an eye on things for me. When she gets back from dinner, I'm going to give her the light cues I need to be called for me. I know she can do better than Alan.
Yes, so I'm frustrated with, well, a lot right now. But I'm still ecstatic because we're opening tonight. Is it bad that I have an emotional attachment to my show? It's like... my baby... or my niece anyway... it's technically Ms. A's baby. But I love it just the same.
Katie

2002-12-04T20:35:00.000-06:00

I know you ALL want to come to this years Winter One Acts on Friday and/or Saturday at 7:00 in Stroud Auditorium. Tickets are five dollars at the door. If you come, I'll make you pie... SETH (specifically). I know I can count on Kellie and Dan coming because they love us so much, right? Of course right. And Tiffany, you're going to come too, and you're going to bring McAlex. Everyone, talk it up with your friends. Perhaps I'll put a duct tape advertisement on the back of my coat and prance around the school and campus Thursday as well. I'm just a smidgen nervous that we're not going to have much of an audience because we haven't solicited tickets to the students in the Lounge. Anyway, Happy Techweek to everyone working on One Acts, and break a leg to the companies of every show. And a HUGE-ARRIFIC THANKS to every single crew member for making these shows possible. TJ, Michelle, Lauren, Pete, Katie, Aaron, Sophie, Megan... all of you. Thanks for being so flexible with all the women directors running around changing their minds. PMS is a plague that effects all of us. Good luck especially to the cast of my show, just because I'm partial like that. You're all awesome and I heart you very much.

Our shining star, Alyssa Huff (Antigone)
The phenomenalactor, Rob Carroll (Creon)
Making his debut performance, Drue Hocker (Haemon)
Perfect for the part, Rebecca Holtzman (Ismene)
The glue that holds the story together (Those damn Canadians), Marion Sakaluk (Chorus)
The biggest buffoon of them all (I'm KIDDING!), Martin Langrall (Jonas)
Letting her hair down after three years, Jessie Bower (Nurse/Page)
And of course, the BEST director of them all, Ms. Angsten (Who doesn't have a first name...)
Great work, you guys. Thanks for such a wonderful time. It's gonna be awesome.

As always, Katie
PS: Can anyone tell that I'm really hyper today?

2002-12-02T21:54:00.000-06:00

Okay, so today I learned I'm not supposed to care. When did this happen?

2002-11-26T11:17:00.000-06:00

Four hours left of school. Seven hours and fifteen minutes left until I can go home and relax (Well, sort of. Tiffany's coming over to work on our Spanish project, but that's not nearly as bad as being stuck in school...) It's snowing, and all I want to do is go outside and run around in the grass and make footprints in the light dusting of snow before it has a chance to really accumulate. Excluding the wet street and ugly cars driving around, it's really beautiful out. The trees are sprinkled with snowflakes, but I can't see everything because the windows in the library are only a foot wide, and four feet in between. I didn't sleep at all last night (ence the pseudo-poetic style of the preceeding sentances) because I was up doing JT's homework, making notes for U.S. Studies, and studying for Chemistry. I finished U.S. Studies around 11, then went to print it, and I got the blue screen of doom. I lost everything, because I was trying to finish it quickly, and didn't save. So did it again. Except this time it took me over three hours because I got slower and slower as I got more tired... or is it tireder? Anyway, I printed it at two, then went to do my algebra. At three, I remembered I had a chemistry test today, so I studied for that until six, when I got up and took a shower. I didn't finish studying for it, so I'm really going to regret not remembering sooner. Now, here I am- two cups of coffee, a doubleshot, and a vanilla starbucks later, shaking because I need more caffeine. Don't worry, I'll come down tomorrow afternoon, and I'll sleep in the car all the way to Missouri.
On a lighter note, yesterday in intro to theatre, we were discussing a picture Lauren has on her website. It's got a kitten being chased by little gremlin things, and the caption reads, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." Yeah, so think about that next time you get a little antsy. *Wink wink*
Okay, I'm going to go run around in the snow. I can't take it anymore. It's calling me.
Tired, bipolar, and forever yours,
Katie

2002-11-23T15:38:00.000-06:00

Ya know? I *would* update more often, except I hardly ever have time during the week. I apologize if people are getting bored with my 'blog... although I doubt I have much of an audience anyway.
So! The other day, I was riding home in the car with my dad, and somehow we got on the topic of American pride and why I don't really have any. I mean, I love my home, but I'm also ashamed of it. We're capital and imperialistic. We shove democracy on countries that can't handle it. My dad completely blew a gasket, told me to bite his ass, then went off on this tangent about how he served in the military and fought for my freedom so I could say those kinds of things without getting my larynx ripped out. He said I'm a hippie and he wants me to move to a different country when I turn 18. It was a funny conversation, but I can't let him know that, or it'll piss him off even more.
I got my china doll slippers today at Other Ports. I also got a really cool handmade hat. I also decided to put cinnomin in my hot chocolate today, and discovered my new favorite thing. It was really good. Okay, I'll stop babbling now. I should do something productive. Or watch movies. Either works.

2002-11-16T21:36:00.000-06:00

I went to see a play at Central Catholic today. Twisted Fairy Tales or something like that. Let's just say I'll never complain about U-High theatre ever again. The script was cute. The acting was cute. No one was very talented, except for this one girl who played a wolf. She was really good. During Snow White, everyone broke character... badly. Someone forgot a line, and everyone stood there for a few seconds until someone said, "She says something else" and then the girl who forgot her line said, "Oh yeah!... He's really tall!" and they all laughed and had to turn around and stuff. It was bad. Basically, it was over all not a very good show. The set was crap, the acting was crap, the lighting was crap, and the sound was crap. It was cute, almost entertaining, but I'm glad I didn't pay for it.

2002-11-14T19:26:00.000-06:00

I came home today and found two really cute pairs of pants on my bed with really neat-o belts on them. My mom got them for me. I was so excited and I just *had* to try them on right away. Neither pair fit. I was so mad about gaining weight and going up a pants size that I put them on my mom's bed and slammed my door. I sobbed into my pillow until my mom came in and asked me what was wrong. I told her, and she seemed upset. Apparently, JT had thrown a fit about his clothes too. I felt like the shittiest daughter on earth. I made my mom feel bad. Instead of thanking her for the cool clothes, I threw a fit because they didn't fit. I made her think didn't do well enough. So this made me feel even worse, and I began to sob even harder. Then my dad came in and told me he went to the doctor today. He told me that he's having heart problems and he wants to change something about his life so he can see me graduate college. That made me feel like an even worse daughter. I mean, my dad could be dying for Christ's sake, and all I could think about was myself. God, I feel like such a bad person.

2002-11-12T21:00:00.000-06:00

I was running lines with David tonight (He's in As Bees in Honey Drown)and came across one of the best passages I've ever heard: "Oh! Women will see you in this suit and die... gay men will see you in this suit, squeal and die... straight men will see you in this suit, be confused and die... lesbians will inherit the earth!" I thought it was hysterical. I laughed for ten minutes. Yeah. I'm so pathetic.

2002-11-06T15:42:00.000-06:00

So I auditioned for one acts yesterday. I thought I did alright, but apparently the directors didn't think so. I didn't get a part, which is fine with me. I mean, yeah, I'm disappointed, but I guess in the back of my mind, I didn't really want to be in a cast as much as I usually do. I didn't cry. I've cried at every failed audition since third grade, and I didn't this time, and I'm not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. Instead, to my COMPLETE surprise, I got assistant director of Antigone. I actually *really* wanted to be assistant stage manager or stage manager of one, but Mrs. Thetard says that assistant/student directors at u-high usually do what real stage managers do. I'm a bit pissed off, because Alan Wilkinson (The incompetent sophomore who can't do anything right) got stage manager of Antigone. First of all, I don't want to work with him because he's extremely annoying, and second of all, he can't do ANYTHING. He only knows how to run lights, and he doesn't even do *that* very well. Oh well... perhaps I can teach him to respect schedules, which seems like a skill he has to master, judging from his undependability with light meetings during Footloose. Maybe it won't be so bad. The first meeting is tomorrow, and I'm excited/nervous/anxious/something like that to be getting started. I hate the off season. (*Laughs...* with baseball, the off season is like, eight months. With theatre, it's less than a week.) Leah also got assistant director of one of the shows, but she's not going to accept the position. I think she's being a little bit of a diva about it. She told me, "If they don't give me a part, they don't get me at all." I'm sort of glad she's not going to do anything. I need a Leah break. Too much of her can really start to wear a person's nerves. Justin Palm got assistant director, too. But then I made a passing comment about Madrigals being gone the weekend of the performances, so he's not sure if he can do it anymore. I don't know who's going to fill in for them when they decline the position. Katie Sebald mentioned something about having to give up set head to be an asst. director, but I don't know who else would do it. *Shrug* Everything'll come together tomorrow, right?

2002-11-02T11:14:00.000-06:00

Last night I was lying on the couch when I got home from TJ's and thinking about the show when I realized how much I really love this assistant stage managing stuff. Sure, I'm not terribly good at it, but I can always improve. It's just a shame it took me this long to realize I was having fun. The entire time, I was so obsessed with not screwing up that I never let myself enjoy it, and now I've only got one more night of it. It's kind of a rush, and even though I don't like bitching at people, it feels good when they listen to me. And I'm getting to the point where I don't dread the headset quite so much, which is quite an accomplishment for me.
This revelation is slightly upsetting for me, because I'm not sure if I'll get another chance to do it. Maybe I'm enjoying it so much because I'm Steve's assistant. I love working for him, but I'm not sure why... I'll figure it out. Any suggestions?

2002-10-30T07:31:00.000-06:00

It's official. I'm a failure. I can't do anything right when I'm backstage. I either don't open the curtain fast enough, or I open it too fast, or I can't get the blue traveler out fast enough, and the lights can't go on until it's up. I can't keep control of my actors, not to mention I'm terrible at multi-tasking. I'm not a good enough assistant for Steve. If I screw up again, he might not want to be my friend anymore. He probably thinks I'm too sensitive for this job as it is.

2002-10-25T19:41:00.000-05:00

Right down to business:
We're almost completely moved in to the rental. We should be sleeping here by tomorrow (Saturday) night. The phones and cable are set up, so we no longer have either at the Cameron Ct. house. That's why I'm trying to get my parents to let me stay here tonight. Our phone number remains the same. If you want directions to my house, ASK! I'd VERY much appreciate visitors. The inside is cute, but I don't have a lock on my door, and the whole family shares a bathroom. Not to mention I share a wall with the neighbors, so I can't crank my stereo to escape los padres. This is going to be an adjustment.
Anyway, I expect all ya'll to come visit me frequently, because I don't think I'm going to be able to stand being trapped here with my parents and brother as my only company. Please please please please please.
Oh, yeah! I almost forgot! Rosie says the male neighbor is gay! I'm so excited! I finally have cool neighbors who aren't middle-aged women who don't even have their own checkbooks. He's got a female roommate. I'm not entirely sure that he's gay, because I haven't actually asked him yet, and he might not be out of the closet, but Rosanne swears he is. *Grins* This might not be so bad after all.
Katie

2002-10-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling really down on myself today. I feel so inept, not to mention mean.
I don't think I'm a good enough assistant for Steve. He needs someone who knows what they're doing, that doesn't screw everything up, and isn't scatter-brained. I'm constantly forgetting things and getting sidetracked. I try to focus, but it doesn't always work. I love what I'm doing, don't get me wrong! But I just think that Steve, being so good at all of this stuff, needs someone who can help him better than I can. I'm so afraid that he'll yell at me for something, then he'll hate me for ever and ever and we won't be friends anymore and it'll be all my fault.
I also had to yell at people for the first time today, because they kept making noise backstage. I tried to be nice and say, "Hey, can you keep it down, please? I can't hear." And explained to them what needed to happen and why. That kept them quiet for a little while, but not for much more than a few minutes. Then I started hearing people from the other side of the stage. Because Steve was at his class, that meant that I had to patrol both left and right stage. So I had to walk all the way over and tell them to can it. A few freshmen/theatre newbies in the corner, and a few upperclassmen in the green room (WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER *wink*) were being really loud. The upperclassmen didn't need telling twice, but the freshmen/theatre newbies wouldn't shut up. After I (quietly) yelled, someone said, "Don't you dare bitch at me!" And a few gave me glares that made me feel lower than dirt. I felt like such a bad person. They don't respect me, and I think it's because I'm only a sophomore.
Anyway, thanks to a couple of the upperclassmen who actually listened to me. And Steve- I'm sorry if I'm not good enough... I'll try harder!

2002-10-17T21:15:00.000-05:00

Tuesday was utterly depressing and unproductive. We did absolutely *nothing*. The Lounge was dead silent. No one talked at all. The only sounds I heard were a few people crying and a chair or two. Since Spanish was the first class of the day, it was the most emotional. We've got a lot of juniors that went to Metcalf with him. They in the corner together for most of the period. It was so quiet. The teacher didn't even talk much. We just came in, sat down, and she handed out paper to write our thoughts on, and told us not to worry about the test that was supposed to be the next day. I wrote a poem.
My eyes pass from one face to another
Each just as nondescript as the next
Tear-streaked cheeks
Tired eyes downcast
Silence clinging to every lip
Pouring from every wall
Am I a monster?
I cannot feel
My heart remains unmoved
I want to laugh and
Shatter the stillness
Start the clock
Frozen in time.
We didn't do anything in PE either. He gave us a free day. I just sat by myself against the wall thinking. I got up and left about ten minutes early to go to the Lounge and watch people, as I often do. I wound up taking a seat closer to the furniture than usual. I was fascinated by a group of normally rowdy boys sitting on the furniture. They just sat there, not saying a word, staring of into oblivion. It's amazing how much one death can change things. In theater, we carried on as usual... leave it to Thetard to get things done despite tragedy. In chorus, we sang, but it was kind of... for lack of a better term... dead. Mr. Kelley tried to keep the class going, but no one really paid attention. No one in that class really knew him, but everyone was kind of shocked, anyway. Chemistry was the easiest day ever. We did a lab with play-dough, in which we poked it with sticks to find the "nucleus". I wound up making flowers and dogs out of mine, though. There's a lot of juniors in my Algebra class, too. Ms. Sellers gave us soda and an assignment that she didn't care if we did. Then she let us do what we wanted. I did my homework, and so did a couple of other sophomores. But they were obnoxious about it. Joking and laughing, and it kind of made me mad, but I was glad to hear a break in the silence, anyway. The hallways had been quiet all day, and it was almost funny seeing the puzzled looks on the college students faces when they didn't see the usual uproar from the loud boys in my hallway. Rehearsal, once again, was almost normal. When I got home, the first thing my mom did was nag. Of course. I just sort of traisped upstairs without saying a word and did my homework and went to sleep. It was a completely draining day. I didn't cry. I cared, but I didn't cry. I don't think I knew him well enough to cry. But seeing all those people cry, and watching how much death changes people is hell. Even though I know the change is pretty temporary on the majority of the mourners, it's still hell.
And life goes on, as it tends to do.

2002-10-14T10:29:00.000-05:00

Troy Hari died in a car accident yesterday afternoon. Here's what the newspaper article said:

A Sunday-afternoon accident on Bloomington's south edge claimed the life of a University High School baseball player and sent two other people to an area hospital.
McLean County Coroner Beth Kimmerling said Troy G. Hari, 16 of rural Bloomington, died at 4:53pm, at OSF St. Joeseph Medical Center in Bloomington from his injuries.
State police in Pontiac said they received the call at 3:53pm reporting the accident about one mile east of Rhodes Lane on U.S. Route 150.
Bloomington police as well as the Bloomington and Downs fire departments were also called to the scene.
State police said witnesses told them that Hari's Jeep Wrangler was westbound on U.S. 150 when it crossed the yellow line, colliding head-on with an eastbound pickup truck driven by Earl Boitnott, 28, of Bloomington.
Bloomington Fire Assistant Chief Dan Shanks said Hari, Boitnott and Boitnott's passenger, Brad Orrick, 26, all of Bloomington, had to be extricated from the vehicles.
Boitnott and Orrick were also taken to the Bloomington hospital. A nursing supervisor said both were in serious condition late Sunday.
Kimmerling said an autopsy for Hari is scheduled today.
She said her office continues to investigate the accident, as do state police in Pontiac and the Bloomington Police Department.
Hari was a student at University High School. Principal Gary O'Malley Sunday said Hari was a fine young man.
"We are shocked and deeply saddened by this tragedy," he said. "And we feel a deep sense of loss for the family and for our school."
O'Malley said Hari's mother had taught at Metcalf Elementary and his brother Tyler was a U-High graduate.
O'Malley said he would meet with Illinois State University's counseling department this morning to arrange grief counseling for the students and staff of U-High.

2002-10-06T20:50:00.000-05:00

I just talked to Tiffany on the phone. She said she talked to Pete earlier today. He told her that he is going to beat me to a bloody pulp. I was going to apologize to him, but there is no way I'm going near him now.

2002-10-04T18:48:00.000-05:00

*Skips around and does happy dance* I am in SUCH a good mood!!! My mom says it's because I slept last night, but I don't feel any different than I did when I didn't sleep. I'm just in a good mood. Well, there's reason for it.
After school, I went downstairs to the lounge to hang out, and I saw Stephanie Jiles. She was looking for Pete. I wasn't too thrilled about this. So I went and told him Stephanie wanted to talk to him. So I was standing around talking to Colin Carroll (Rob, I'm in love with your cousin. He's such a sweetie!) and looked over his shoulder in time to see Stephanie rear back and bitch slap him across the face. I started laughing so hard, I was so thrilled. I know that sounds horribly sick and twisted, but so is he.
In other news:
WE SOLD THE HOUSE!!! *Does happy dance again* We have to be out by Nov. 6th, BUT when we get the new house built this spring, I'm gonna get my room in the basement, and I get to decorate it how I want!!! Perhaps some people will want to come the weekend we're moving and help out? Perhaps? Yeah, I should go. I'm gonna get a shower.
*Skips around* *FLAIL!*
Katie

2002-10-03T16:00:00.000-05:00

My parents actually took me seriously for once and decided to believe me about being so tired all the time. I told them about how I never really feel rested, no matter how much sleep I get, and that's why I sometimes fall asleep in classes. Mom decided to take me to the doctors to at least get it checked out. They went through all the questions one would expect from a doctor in a situation like this one, "How much sleep do you get on an average basis? Do you have trouble falling asleep? Do you feel tired all the time, even on weekends when you get 10-12 hours? What is your diet like? How much are you doing?" After I answered all the questions, he took my bloodpressure, looked in my eyes, and listened to my heart. He suggested a sleep aid, because I never get to sleep before 2. Then he went over his notes again and said I'd have to get a blood test for anemia. So they stuck a needle in my arm and drew like three viles of blood! (I know it's not that much, but I don't like needles.) Out of pure boredom about ten minutes ago, I decided to look up stuff on anemia. I found that most of the symptoms fit me: *Trouble sleeping, chronic fatigue, pale skin, excessive thirst (drinks lots of water), severe lack of energy...* There was more, but I lost the website. So right now, I'm a tad concerned, but I don't really know WHAT it is. I have a vague idea, but I'm not entirely sure. So I guess it's a waiting game until the blood results come back.
Oh, and mom wants to get me tested for diabetes, because of all the water I drink (10+ bottles a day), and sleep apnea, because it runs in the family.
Katie
PS: We have a family making an offer on our house... they were going to look at it again today, perhaps we sold it!

2002-10-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

Ah, my blog, my blog, my blog. How I missed thee.
A thousand apologies for the lack of updatedness lately. I've been grounded from the computer since Monday. She-bitch, can-do-know-wrong, knows-jack-shit-about-chemistry Mrs. Ives called my parents and told them I've been falling asleep in class, thus causing me to drop to a D. This is true, but I really wish she had spoken to me about it first. I could have done something about it (up my caffeine intake, for starters), and been a bazillion times happier without the interference of the parental units. But NO... she just *had* to call Mom, who happened to be with a patient at the time, which made her even madder than she would have been. Mom told Dad, who started yelling at me the minute I walked in the door. He just kept yelling and yelling until I started to cry, when he told me I was being a baby. He said people my age shouldn't cry, they should just suck it up and deal with it, and not get all emotional. I would have said, "Just because your dad wouldn't let you cry doesn't mean I can't. Just because you lost your ability to feel emotion when you were a kid doesn't mean I have to. Just because you work at White-Collar Slaves Inc. doesn't mean you have to press their idealisms on me." Damn patriarchal identity-reaping society. I only wanted to cry. Is that so much to ask? Anyway, so I lost my computer privilages for any purpose other than school work. AND I have to report back to my dad in two weeks about 'a plan of action' (he sounds like the military man he is, doesn't he?) and if I don't, I lose my extra-curriculars. And by the end of the semester, if my grade in Chem hasn't gone up, I lose New York, I don't get my extracurriculars back, and I have to drop chorus and Theatre (which will be Acting by then).
Anyway, in a nutshell, I won't update much unless I can find a free moment at school/steal a moment at home. Perhaps I'll do so after school, since my ride doesn't go home until four on regular days. I might not go to New York, and I may have to give up my only source of happiness (Aka: Theatre, singing, and friends).
Go to hell Mrs. Ives. GAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!! *begins to cry again* Take that, U.S. military/dad.
Katie

2002-09-29T00:09:00.000-05:00

I survived.
Barely.
And actually managed to have some fun with my friends. Alex had nothing to do with it, but I made sure he had fun, too. I'm not a totally horrible person. I only lost him twice.
But I was so uncomfortable the whole time. He kept "gazing" at me. The whole goddamn time. Just looking at me. I could feel it on my face and my neck. And once, when we were dancing, I decided to be polite and smile at him, and he gazed at me again, and said, "God, you are so beautiful." I couldn't decide whether to laugh, cry, or run away. I just muttered "thanks" and rode it out until the end of the song, at which point I scuttled off in the general direction of people who don't make me uncomfortable. I just have to say, "I LOVE YOU!" to everyone who helped me through the night by hiding me when things got too heavy. I swear, I'm never doing that again. I'm never going to pity-date again.
Katie
PS: Seth, you owe me lunch. I'll make you a pie anyway, though, because it wasn't entirely horrid.

2002-09-24T22:37:00.000-05:00

I called Tiffany and apologized. She was/is kind of distant, but I think she forgives me. God, I feel like such a girl. Pah.
Katie

2002-09-24T17:12:00.000-05:00

Isn't it interesting how, when you're really pissed off at a friend for some particular reason, but keep it to yourself, they say just the right thing to make you snap? I think its interesting. Someone up there has wonderful timing.
Today in Spanish, I was sitting at my desk thinking about nothing in particular, and in comes Tiffany, complaining about Emma liking her (Tiffany's) cousin, and how much it pissed her off that that was all Emma ever talked about. I snapped. I went absolutely stark-raving mad. It was one thing for her to flaunt her boyfriend in my face, it's completely another to gossip to me about one of my friends about the same crime you're guilty of. And I told her this. Actually, it was more like, "Goddamit, Tiffany! Don't you complain to me about Emma. She likes Adam, and that's why she talks about him inceasently. I know you're tired of it. Your boyfriend is all you ever talk about, and I get fucking tired of it, too. So shut your asshold and go fuck yourself, or is your co-dependent boyfriend taking care of that for you?" Please note there was a huge crescendo from the beginning to the end of the statement. I went to the bathroom to cool off for a while. I meant what I said, but I didn't mean to say it like that. When I came back, she went to the nurse, and returned ten minutes later to get her stuff and go home. I thought it would end there and we'd talk on the phone later and it would all be over. No. Apparently, life doesn't actually work like a sitcom. I didn't know that.
She showed up in US Studies, and was looking better, and confident. She said hi to Jenna very brightly, so I decided to take my chances.When she sat down in front of me, I touched her shoulder and whispered how sorry I was, and asked her to forgive me. She ignored me. I guess the cheerful, "Hi Jenna! What's up?!" was a taunt that was really supposed to say, "I love everyone except that bitch who sits behind me." I deserved that one. I spent the rest of the period writing an apology poem for her, which I put on her backpack, knowing she'd ask someone to tell her what it was. She got it.I had an okay rest of day, thinking once she heard the poem, it would be over. Now I know life doesn't work like a two-hour special, either.
I shouldn't have said anything. I really shouldn't have. It was stupid of me. I'm an idiot. I should have kept it to myself, and vented on my blog or yelled at my wall later. The whole situation could have been avoided if I wasn't so stupid. But I'm stupid, and it wasn't avoided.
I went down to the lounge after school to ask her if she got the poem, and to once again apologize for being such a first-class, grade-A, top-of-the-line bitch. I had this whole speech worked out that went something like, "I know how pissed you are at me right now, and I completely understand. I was horrible. I got entirely out of hand. I shouldn't have said what I said, at least not like that. And I want you to know, I'm almost entirely to blame, and I'm so sorry for it." I set my stuff down against the wall and walked over (rather nervously) to apologize. I got within three feet of her when the three (losers) she was sitting with fell silent and gave me the evil eye. I had to say "hi" six times before she heard me/acknowledged the fact that I was standing next to her and trying to get her attention. She did finally respond with a "what do you want?!" Ouch. I guess I deserved that one, too. I started my speech, and when I got to *understand* when she took over. I don't really remember what she said, because I was fighting back the tears with all I had. Then, to add insult to injury, she said, "You're a terrible friend. I tried to continue as planned, so I could get out everything I needed to before I started crying. I said, "I want you to know, I'm almost completely at fault, and..." And she said, "No. You're not. You're entirely at fault." I skipped the speech and asked her to forgive me, and put this all behind us, and let it heal. She told me that tomorrow she'd be civil, but she didn't think things would ever be the same. I nodded and perhaps grunted something along the lines of, "I understand," and walked off to get my stuff and leave.
I only made it about halfway across the lounge before I started crying. I tried to keep my tears to myself, but Justin Palm saw, and asked me what was wrong. I told him, and started sobbing. I had to lean against the wall, partly because I was so drained, and partly because I didn't want to think about anything, not even balancing. Then a whole bunch of people noticed, and came to see what was up. I didn't explain, but I don't think it mattered. They hugged me and rubbed my back and let me cry for a while. Someone, either Samantha or Allison, brought me a paper towel. I calmed down in time to hear Salma call to me that her mom was there and it was time to leave. I wasn't feeling much better, but at least I'd gotten something... anger, frustration, sadness... something like that, out.
Anyway, thank you so much to all those who helped me in the lounge. I'll name all I can, but I really don't remember it very well... Rob, Megan D., Samantha, Allison, Justin Palm.... I'm sorry, I can't think of anymore than that. But thanks just the same. At least I know I have *some* friends in this world, even if it's obvious I don't have a best friend anymore. (God, I feel like such a girl. Always fighting with their best friends, thinking its all over. I know its all going to be fine tomorrow, but right now, it seems like the hugest thing in the world, and it sucks. Really bad. Christ, I'm glad I'm not lesbian. Girls can be real bitches sometimes.) I love you guys.
Katie
PS: Tiffany, if you're reading this, I don't think you could possibly understand how sorry I am. You were right. I'm a horrible friend, and I deserve to rot in hell for all eternity for it. Please forgive me. I don't want you to be nice. I want you to be my friend. If you don't want to be my friend anymore, thats fine, but don't be civil. I can't stand that. When you're civil to someone, it means you carry around a burning rage against them. Don't be civil. Let me have it, I hate it when people are nice and don't mean it. Please forgive me, Tiffany! I'm such an idiot, and I'm sorry!

2002-09-22T19:08:00.000-05:00

*Sighs deeply* I think this poem adequately represents how I feel right now:

I'm on the same page I've been on for years
Staring at the same words I've been reading since I can remember.
While those around me urn the pages like a gentle breeze,
I'm left behind,
Reading the same sentence I've been repeating
In my mind for an eternity.

I feel like an outsider,
Too dumb to finish the book of life.
It's so hard!
The words are so big,
The chapters are so long,
And it's going to take me
The rest of my life to complete the section I'm stuck on.

I'm drowning in a fairy tale,
I should have built a boat
So I wouldn't be
Left behind.

Yeah, it's a really terrible poem, but it works. I was inspired to write this pathetic excuse for a poem after getting off the phone with Tiffany this morning. Her phone calls have gotten rather repetitive lately. All she ever talks about is her boyfriend. "Alex this, Alex that." She talks about how she goes to church with him, and how his family loves her, and how they're going to get married someday, and he tells her he loves her, and brought her white roses for their 2 month, and how he came to the hospital when she was sick, and holds her when she's sad. I'm getting rather sick of it. Anyway, today she called and told me about how she fell asleep in a closet with him. That was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. Now I feel all young, immature, and left behind. I've never been kissed, never had a relationship, never had a guy stroke my hair and tell me I'm beautiful, and haven't had the warm-fuzzies after crying on my boyfriends shoulder with him rubbing my back telling me it will all be okay soon. And this whole train of thought brings me back to the questions of emotional suicide: "What if I'm not pretty enough? What if I never have my first kiss, and I die as the bitter Old Lady Karl who yells at neighborhood kids for walking on her sidewalk? What if I never find that deep emotional connection between two people that brings them together? What if I never hear 'I love you' in the traditional sense of the phrase?" I'm going to die alone. Damn it.
Katie

2002-09-21T22:25:00.000-05:00

I spent most of the day today at Alyssa's house. We were working on our costume project for theatre. We got a good share of it done, but it's not exactly complete yet. I'm actually rather thrilled with the time period and ideas Alyssa came up with. Our version of As You Like It is set in America in the 1920's. It's well thought out, if I do say so myself. I don't feel quite like typing out all the ideas she came up with, but if you really want to know, just ask. Then we made brownies, which I think were REALLY good. We ate them while the were still hot and gooey. Mmmm... *mouth begins watering again*. Then Rob came over and read and stuff while we worked on the project. Which reminds me:
"... because they're big and floppy, and don't like to stand up..."
Heh heh. Take that as you may.
I'm going to do something. I don't know what, though. Maybe I'll go through my Footloose script again and play with my new office supplies.
Katie
PS: Rob burned me Voltaire. I LOVE it. My favorite song is God Thinks, which also happens to be my moms least favorite song, for obvious reasons.
*Sings* God thinks you're a waste of flesh. God prefers an atheist. God thinks all people like you are evil, God thinks all people like you are an embarassment to creation. Self-riteous, judgmental, first to throw the stone, and you use his name for your own protection.

2002-09-17T21:36:00.000-05:00

I'm so sick of being home. My family can't go an entire day without an eruption between two or more family members. Someone usually winds up sobbing, and I always wind up in my room with my disc-man on as loud as possible out drown out the fighting, slamming, yelling, and crying. I swear to god, I'm going to be the happiest girl alive when I get my liscense. Every time I sense a bickerfest coming on, I'll be able to hop in my car and drive around town until I think things have calmed down at home. But for now, the more cds I can get, the better. I get tired of them fairly quickly now; I listen to them constantly because my brother's hit puberty, which means he fights with my parents 24x7. The good thing about that is, since he's always fighting with them, it takes up all the time I would spend fighting with them. I'm no longer getting yelled at all the time.
The minute I walked in the door today, my parents started nagging me to do this and that: "You're closet's a mess, clean it up," "Make dinner," "Make cards, it's your father's birthday," "WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK!" I decided to try and bypass that, so I went straight upstairs after stating where I had to be at what time. The next thing I know, things are a million times more complicated than they ever needed to be, and my brother is in his room pounding on the walls because he "HATES DRUM LESSONS!" And when my parents called to cancel them, and he howled even louder, because "HE WANTS TO GO TO DRUM LESSONS!"
Yeah, so in conclusion family life sucks balls and I wish my room were soundproof, so I could blast my music on my stereo and not get yelled at, and my brother can no longer play the drums. The end.
Katie
PS: *Gets onto knees to beg and grovel* Rob... are you going to get me a burned copy of that Voltaire cd we were listening to in the car?... *pleeeeeeaaaaaase?!?!?*

2002-09-15T21:23:00.000-05:00

Seth came over for a while today, and we watched Friends (And Sure Thing, but we aren't going to talk about that) and talked for a while. He left at ten til nine, and came back five minutes later. Apparently, he had left his lights (partially) on, and his battery had died. My dad had to jump start it. I found it rather amusing, and I told him he had earned a post for my blog. So here it is, Seth. Congradulations.
Katie

2002-09-13T16:35:00.000-05:00

I wrote this in Algebra II/Trig today for no particular reason, and I decided I liked it, so I'm posting it.

I want to go home
And cry in my pillow
Over my meaningless life,
Then fall asleep in a pool
Of my own tears
To the sound of the morning
Crickets and birds
Chriping sadly at the
Dawn

Katie

2002-09-12T21:04:00.000-05:00

Wow, after all the shit that's been going on this week, I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse. I thought wrong. (I seem to be doing a lot of that lately...) I didn't get a part in Footloose. I didn't even get in the chorus. Yeah, I knew my audition was bad, but I didn't think it was quite that bad. I mean, seriously, if someone had just told me I butchered the song so badly, I would have auditioned the plain chorus song at a later time. Yeah, so I spent an hour in the nurses office on the couch crying. Then I went to Theatre and had to face masses of people crowded around a cast list. Throughout the day, things got progressively worse. I couldn't concentrate because I was so exhausted from crying, and teachers would call on me in class, and if by slim chance I'd perhaps acknowledge the fact that they were addressing me, I'd give them a blank stare and say I didn't know the answer. Then I'd hide behind my hair and cry some more, because I kept making an idiot of myself. I'm sure that really made Mrs. Ives like me more. She hated me to begin with, and from being such a zombie in class, I bet she thinks I've got the IQ of a rotting stump. After a couple of "I don't know"s in Algebra II/Trig, Ms. Sellers quit calling on me, and when we started our homework, she came up to me and showed me the score from my makeup test. Let me just say it could have been worse, but not by much... Then she said I didn't seem to be comprehending the material during class and perhaps I'd be better off in Algebra I. I mean, for god's sake, we're only a week into the real material, and I'd been struggling to catch up with the rest of my classes after missing a day. She could have assessed the situation a bit better. Or maybe I really am a rotting stump. I should go back to general chem and Algebra I, drop spanish, and return a life of seclusion. I've had it with trying to break out of my shell. Pssht, and I thought I was doing so well this year.
Derrrr... what's my name again?
Oh yeah,
Louise

2002-09-10T23:04:00.000-05:00

A lengthy study conversation online for US Studies tonight resulted in pouring salt in some unhealed wounds. We're doing a mock trial of the Salem Witch Trials in class, and the prosecution side only has six people. Sophie Wan, Meredith Skaggs, Whitney Philips, Mike Busch, Kevin Graden, and I are the only ones. So tonight we decided to prepare by having a chat online. It worked very well, but in the last hour, the conversation got off course and eventually turned to homecoming. I made a passing comment that went something like, "Now I feel obligated. I can't back out now that I've told him yes. I've learned from my mistakes." It was an ambiguous statement, and it worked very well, but the conversation that followed didn't turn the way I wanted it to. The "mistake" I was referring to was a kind of *situation* between Kevin and I way back in the day. Seventh grade, when I came to Metcalf. I liked Kevin, a LOT. And I guess he liked me, because he asked me out, and I said yes. But I was so nervous about it that I could hardly look him in the eye, much less talk to him. So I spent the next week avoiding him like the plague. One day he cornered me and asked if we were going out or not. I freaked, and said rather coldly, "Not." We haven't talked since. I guess both of us tried to push it under the rug and say it's over, but it wasn't. Those wounds never healed. They haven't turned into scars, and won't until there's closure. So with my lovely ambiguous comment, I tried to drag closure out of him, by setting it up so I could explain to him why I avoided him for a week. But when I asked him if he caught it, he completely avoided the conversation. When everyone left the chatroom, I tried to get him to talk to me, but he only said he thought it was about what happened in seventh grade, and didn't think it was, and got offline. But not before I said "You're right." So I'm predicting in the next few weeks or so, there should be some interesting developments in my pathetic excuse for a lovelife. Somethings GOT to happen. Fate can't do this to me, its cruel and inhumane. I've been tortured with icy glares and snide comments from Kevin and his posse for three years now, something's bound to change soon, right?
God, I know how Jr. High that sounds... and it's probably stupid to everyone, but it's big to me. Stupid things like this seem big when you've never *technically* had a boyfriend before.
Katie

2002-09-08T22:23:00.000-05:00

I'm back from the dreaded Delaney family reunion. It was pretty bad. Friday night, I went to my Dad's second cousin's house. I sat around and got interrogated by a bunch of people I don't know. Then my cousins and a future cousin arrived. Elise and Melissa (Twins belonging to my Uncle Bill) complained about how much they hated our family and wanted to go home. Marita and Rebecca (Stepsisters... Marita belonging to my Uncle Pat, Rebecca belonging to my Aunt Jenny) did pretty much the same, but actually said hi to me. Amy Jo didn't show up until around then when I was leaving. Katy came with Corrine (My Uncle Bill's fiancee's daughter), and they followed me around, and Kelly didn't come until Saturday morning after being "missing" for twelve hours. At ten, we went down to the pool, and there were four incredibly wasted twenty-somethings hanging around. Justin and I sat in the hottub and watched to see what they would do. First, the guy who wasn't wearing a shirt pulled down his too-big pants. He wasn't wearing underwear, so I got a lovely peek at everything he didn't have. He said, "Oh, there's people in here," and laughed like an idiot, and pulled them back up. But as I said, they were too big, so it didn't do any good. Then he sat down at the table and started smoking something that smelled suspiciously like weed. His (I assumed) girlfriend pulled off her shirt and pants and swam in her bra and thong. They left rather quickly. I don't know why. Their two friends stayed, though. The second guy wore boxer-briefs and his girlfriend wore a sheer white tanktop with no bra, and white gymshorts with no underwear. They swam as well. At this point, my brother had walked in, and got his first glance at the female body. The girl kept trying to get out of the pool, but she would begin rocking on her feet, then fall back in. Her boyfriend had to sit her up on the edge and go to get her a towel. Then my uncle Pat came in, and the guy got a scared look on his face. He tried to act natural as he scooped up everything in the room, and herd the girl out of the pool area. Just as they were walking by the windows, we realized they had taken all our stuff too. Marita yelled "Hey! Those are my flip-flops!" He dropped them on the floor, then came back to get his nasty looking green drink. I told him he had taken all of our room key-cards too. He said "Oh," and kept walking. I said, "Yeah, I'll be needing those back," but he didn't so much as acknowledge the fact that I had spoken. I went up to the front desk to get new ones, and the manager wiped out the code, so they wouldn't even be able to get into the building. The thought that they'd be recovering in the parkinglot the next morning amused me greatly. All in all, I lost two key-cards and a pair of socks to the dumb thieves.
I stayed at my future aunt Lisa's room with Corrine and Katy. That was pretty fun for a while, then they started playing game boy, and I was left out until I fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up with blisters where my bra strap was. I thought it was from the bra strap itself, but they don't give you blisters like that. Mom thinks it was some kind of insecticide or battery acid. They show no sign of healing and hurt like a bitch. Saturday afternoon, I went to a museum that used to be a psychiatric hospital. I've been there before, but they had a bunch of new exhibits. It was really interesting. I bought a hemp necklace that some kid at the Children's psychiatric hospital next door made, and a brain for Tiffany. It's not a real brain, just a stressball, but I thought it was funny to say, "I got a brain at the psychiatric hospital."
I went shopping saturday, too. On a whim, I bought a spring earring, for people whose ears aren't pierced. I put it on my tongue and told my parents I got my tongue pierced. I had them going for an hour or so, until I took it off. It looks pretty real, although it isn't a stud, and doesn't go far enough back on the tongue. Maybe I'll use it to freak Alex Prellar out. He told me he could never like a person who has their tongue pierced.
The reunion at an old school sucked so bad. I got sick from the merry-go-round, and some little people were giving me hell for not being a real Delaney. A couple of dogs showed up who were very friendly. I had a good ol' time with them for a while, until my dad kicked them and told me I was an idiot. I admit I shouldn't have been playing with them, because they could be strays, but the black and white one looked well-cared for. The other had fleas, but I didn't touch it. The black and white one was crossing the parking lot behind me when some fourth or fifth uncle chased it in his truck, yelling out the window to me that he was going to hit it no matter what I tried to do, so I cried.
Yeah, so my weekend was a bust, and I'm actually looking forward to going back to school tomorrow, despite the fact that I didn't do any homework.
Katie
PS: I made Court Singers, but I don't think my audition for Footloose went so well.

2002-09-03T20:39:00.000-05:00

Oh shit. Holy shit. Oh holy shit. Oh my fucking god. Wow. Okay. Alex Prellar just asked me to Homecoming, and I said yes. But see, I really really don't want to go with him, because I know he likes me, and I don't like him. I don't want to encourage him and make him think I like him because I don't, and it's mean to lead people on like that. I *really* shouldn't have said yes. What should I do? I'm kind of committed now, and I suppose there's really nothing I can do short of getting suddenly ill Friday night after the game. God as my witness, I will never make friends with a guy who isn't gay ever again.
Yeay trivial problems of the adolescents.
Katie

2002-09-01T01:22:00.000-05:00

I should have written last night. I really should have.
Anyway, I went to Kellie's dorm last night, and it was too much fun. I got to see Dan, Kellie, and Seth, which thrilled me. But I didn't get to meet Danny. I was very much hoping I would. We played Truth or Dare Jenga, which I wasn't a big fan of, mostly because Truth or Dare isn't really my type of game. I'm not usually very outgoing. We also played Guesstures (sp?). My team won (*sticks out tongue to whoever was on the other team*)! Kellie, Seth, Steve, Megan D., and I went to see The (or A) Good Girl. It was depressing. When I walked out of the theater, I had a strong urge to kill myself. It was really good, but Steve mislead us and told us it was a tear-jerking type movie. He didn't say anything about depression and suicidal thoughts. I didn't get home until 1:30, and I didn't get to sleep until 2:00. At 9:30, Tyler called to see if I wanted to go to the mall. I said yes. At 11, the realtor called. The people that looked at our house Friday evening were deciding between two houses. Ours and another. So they were going to come buy for a second tour. Mom was so excited she was almost giddy. I was really hoping to sell it, but the realtor said they were leaning toward the other one. Maybe I should go find it and color the carpets and walls with black marker. At the mall, we went into B. Dalton, and we were looking around for the hell of it. I was reading a book of jokes when I heard Tyler say rather loudly, "Hey, Katie, what's The Kamasutra?" I whirled around just in time to see her open it, scream "OH MY GOD!", and throw it across the isle. I was laughing so hard I could have pissed myself. I had to explain to her in between fits of laughter what it was. She was so horrified. It was by far the best corruption ever. Right, so I should go sleep, because I was interrupted this morning.
Katie

2002-08-29T23:10:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading Kellie's novel. It was very, very (not enough "very's" in the world) good. I think she should publish it and try to get it out to bookstores and stuff. I would buy a copy. However, I must admit there were places I kind of got creeped out and had to quit for a while. One of the most amusing instances was when I was reading about Rob dead on the kitchen table. I pictured it so clearly that I had to get on the internet just to talk to him to make sure he wasn't really dead. It was so beautiful though. Kind of peaceful-like. He looked more like an angel than he does in real life- and I think he looks a hell of a lot like an angel in real life. His eyes cast upward, not as much to the ceiling as to a place only he could see. The blood sparkling down his forehead, staining the tips of his curls, trickling down his neck into a pool of ruby blood. Does that make me a necrophiliac? Anyway, yes, awesome novel. It made me think, and look at things differently, and realize stuff, and it put the picture in my head, however grotesque it might have been. I'm giving the disk to Michelle tomorrow.
Katie

2002-08-29T18:07:00.000-05:00

Round 1 of Katie Needs a Job to Pay For Things- SCORES ARE IN!
Places That Hire People: 18
Katie: 0
That's right. Places the hire people (ie: Family Video, PetCo, Office Depot, Hastings, and Bed Bath & Beyond) only hire people who are over 18, meaning that I can't work at these places for another three years. I didn't even get an application. I'm told that food services hire people as young as me, but I'd rather not work at a food service. However, it looks as though I may have to resort to that. Does anyone have any ideas of places that I could work? Please please please please give me ideas!
Unemployed and broke as hell,
Katie

2002-08-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

Content and alone in my corner of the world,
Sipping tea with a book at hand,
A little bee buzzes around my head
Aggrivating my tender temperance.
Swish, swish!
My hand flies through the air with carelessness and clumsiness,
Swat!
The little bugger gets a bump on the head
And flies away.
I settle down and push the pest from my mind.
Next thing I notice, the bee is back:
Protected by a deadly army.
Swish, swish!
My hand clears the air to make an escape.
SLAM!
The army bears down on my body with stingers like knives.
Content and alone in my new corner of the world,
I nurse my new tender wounds.

2002-08-26T18:45:00.000-05:00

Okay... funny story but not really. For the last couple of months, some dumbass kid I don't know kept IMing me for no apparent reason. He said he got my screen name from Tiffany. I thought he just IMed her at random one day, because she usually gives my screen names to people she thinks I would yell at. Well, I yelled at this kid on numerous occasions for being homophobic. So this whole time I thought he was from, you know, like Texas or some place I've never been. So today he imed me and told me to take his quiz, and out of boredom, I did so. One of his questions was "Who do I think is hott" (Yes, I know, what a guy) and one of the answers was "The ISU college girls we pass by in the bus." So I asked him what state he lived in. Illinois. Do you live in Bloomington/Normal? Yes. Prove it. There's corn everywhere. By God, this kid is from around town. So I got really really creeped out, because coincidenced like that don't just happen. So I asked him how he knew Tiffany. Her cousin is his best friend. I was just wierded out, because, I dunno. I just had no reason to be so wary of him. I'm never talking to random people on the internet again. The end.
My school day was okay, despite being late for three classes. I was late for Spanish, because my fucking brother can't get in the car on time to save his pathetic little life. I was twenty minutes late to PE because they left without us and we got lost trying to get there on our own. I was also late to US Studies because I stopped to get a bite to eat, and some freshman spent five minutes counting out what she owed for her lunch in change! Nothing absolutely remarkable happened besides that. I'm pretty numb today, because I actually managed to sleep last night. It seems as though I have no emotion when I'm well rested. I can't decide which is better.
I should go now. I'm going to finish researching for our debate in US Studies tomorrow, then I'm going to watch Undressed and the Sunday Night Sex Show (Greatest grandma on earth!)
Katie

2002-08-25T20:57:00.000-05:00

I spent the whole evening eating Dan popcorn and trying to read Oedipus Rex. Had I not been so tired, I might have succeeded, but unfortunately, I kept falling asleep. At one point, I dreamt I was Oedipus, and I gouged someone's eyes out. I'm sure I'm clashing two stories, but oh well. Then I woke up and tried to read a bit more, failing again. This time I dreamt that I was reading Kellie's novel, but the pages were stuck together, so I only got as far as I've gotten in real life. This makes my curiosity almost unbearable... Kellie- I need the rest!!
The earlier part of my day consisted of homework, sleeping, and more homework. I'm more tired than usual, probably because I didn't sleep all week. My brother drove me absolutely CRAZY today. He got home from a sleepover, which meant that he didn't get any sleep, and was horribly grouchy. I was sitting on the couch taking notes from my history book and he came in and started ragging on me for some stupid reason. He said I got onto his email account and deleted all his mail. I did no such thing, and dismissed it as he was angry because he didn't get any good mail. Then I got to thinking one day he'll appreciate all the porn, grossed myself out, and went to claw the thoughts out of my brain with a mind-numbing game of Alchemy on PopCap Games. Although my day sounds depressingly unproductive, I *did* in fact get up at 5:30am to watch Destinos on WILL TV (Ch. 12). Apparently it's on every sunday morning at that time. For those of you who don't know, Destinos is a bad spanish soap opera we have to watch in Spanish II and III to learn situational spanish and crap like that. I was only awake long enough to see Angela on the screen talking to whom I can only assume is her brother who was supposed to have died in a mining accident. You know, the more and more I think about it, the more and more Destinos does sound like a soap opera. Right. So. This has been an incredibly boring entry for whatever audience I have, so I'll stop and maybe go have a cup of cocoa before I attempt to read Oedipus Rex again.
(Never date a mujeriego)
Katie

2002-08-24T23:05:00.000-05:00

I found this on a Faith and Religion message board. It was entirely random, and I thought it was one of the funniest things on earth.

Jesus was a man, an ordinary man, who had a cult following. Then the Romans killed him. The End.

Isn't that great? Lol, I thought it was amusing, but then again, anything seems amusing right now.
Did anyone notice I got quotes?! *Pumps fist in the air* Yes! HUGE thanks to Kellie, who set me up with them. I heart Kellie. I really don't think it makes much of a difference. I'm not sure many people read this anyway. *Shrug*. Do I come across as depressed. My mom said I seemed depressed today.
Katie

2002-08-24T00:01:00.000-05:00

I've just completed a week of school. The days go by way too fast. I think I'm doing something wrong. When I'm not in school, I feel so idle, so unproductive, like I'm helpless if I can't do school work. I think it has something to do with the fact that as long as I'm not working, I don't have a handle of my future. Keyword there, *I think*. I made a big mistake today. I carried on a calm conversation with Shitbag. I've told myself over and over again, I shouldn't talk to him, and if I do, I should yell so as to not put emotional strain on myself. Now I feel like I didn't finish it, because Rob waved me away, and being the obedient little underclassman I am, I did so. God, life has really kicked me in the ass this week. Between not sleeping and committing psychological suicide, I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. And of course I have no one to talk to. *Afterthought- whoever invented The Mile and other fitness tests must have been a sadist.*
Who else?
Katie

2002-08-15T01:42:00.000-05:00

I can't deal with this. I can't. I'm fifteen. Fifteen years old, and I've already got to put on the mask of adulthood and start trying to play the part. It should be easy right? I act for an audience, I can act for the world. Oh my god. I think I missed rehearsal.
Katie

2002-08-13T19:26:00.000-05:00

Holy shit... I don't think I realized just how fast life can move. I mean, I got smacked in the face with time Friday night, and as I posted, I was desperately feeling around for the *pause button* and I'm now looking for it yet again. Today my mom told me that if I want to go to Mizzou, I've got to be in the top 15% of my class, because they can't pay out-of-state tuition. If I don't, I'll either bankrupt my parents or have to find some other way. How the hell do I do that? I'm really not among the brightest of the class. With so many people smarter than me, I'll never be able to get up to even the top 25%. Twenty six thousand fucking dollars! Dear lord, I'll never get there. I need to put life in reverse... figure something out. Oh god! I'll never be able to afford Mizzou
Katie

2002-08-10T14:22:00.000-05:00

My mom's pissed at me because I said she was out *sucking a cancer stick* in front of one of the neighbor kids. Yeah, I could have been a little more tasteful, but I feel such an ugly habit deserves an ugly representation. I felt bad that she had to hear it, but I don't feel bad that I said it. Is that so wrong?
Katie

2002-08-10T00:25:00.000-05:00

Where the hell is the pause button?!
~What happens when reality hits

As if there were any doubt-
Katie

2002-08-09T20:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, I seriously think I'm sick. I've been really... aloof, I guess... today, and I haven't been hungry, thus I haven't eaten anything. I almost fell asleep driving today, and I haven't wanted to socialize. I've been wanting to go to a party at Kellie's house for a few days now, but I just didn't feel like going. I was halfway there in the car, and just turned around and went home. Maybe I should get tested for mono. Any ideas? (Email me, because, obviously, I haven't figured out how to do comments yet.)
Katie

2002-08-09T17:06:00.000-05:00

I apologize for my lack of posting lately. I've been a tad lazy in the past week or so. I don't really understand it. I sleep all day, get up and do a few things I have to do (mainly cleaning my room), then lay around in the basement until I decide to go back to sleep. Maybe I'm subconsciously trying to soak up every second of sleep I can before school starts again. Eh, *shrug*. Anyway, my voice lesson today went unexpectedly well. Apparently, Mr. Howell thinks it's the greatest thing on earth that I'm a Queen fan, so he wants to do a few Queen songs with me. He gave me a tape to practice with. It was pretty cool. I went to the mall afterwards to get Tyler a birthday present, and tried to find some jeans at Express. Unfortunately, everything was bleach-wash hipster type stuff that makes you look like you pissed bleach. I did find a pretty cool pair of sweatpants that are about a foot too long, so I'll alter them when I get time. I also found a pair of jeans I had a while back and hated on clearance for 19.50, so I got them and I'll convert them into a skirt sometime this weekend. I sold my first pair at the garage sale for 20, so it wasn't a horrible deal. All in all it wasn't a bad shopping trip. Much better than my attempt to buy shorts. Oh, and the whole marathon thing fell through, but I have discovered vegetarianism. I think I'll give it a try. I'm giving up red meat now, which includes pork. In a few weeks, once I adjust to no red meat, I'll eliminate any remaining meat. From there, I'll decide if I want to give up dairy and eggs as well.
Katie

2002-08-07T20:53:00.000-05:00

I've just spent an entire day trying to learn how to draw Anime. In case you were wondering, I've failed miserably. There are no good tutorials on the internet on how to draw. The only good one I found isn't finished, and only has how to draw an eye. So I drew an eye, and improvised the rest of the face. Now mind you, this is a face, not a head. I haven't learned how to draw a head yet. I can draw a right and left eye, a pathetic nose, and a screaming mouth. It's not half bad, though. I think I'll put it up in my room. Anyway, if anyone has any suggestions on websites, books, etc. on how to draw, PLEASE email me. I'm just now starting to appreciate the beauty of Anime art, and I desperately wish I could produce some of my own.
Katie

2002-08-07T12:26:00.000-05:00

Registration yesterday was so boring. Last years' was interesting. There were so many people to look at, so many things to look forward to, to wonder about. This year, I saw a few friends I haven't seen all summer, but that was it. I did, however, sign up to usher for Forever Plaid on Saturday (17th). That will be coolness. I've been wanting to see that show, but I'm too poor to get tickets, so now I get in free and get a Good of the Troupe. I think whoever set this up thought they had to tantalize us with these goodies because they feel we're (Or at least I'm) sacrificing something by being there. I'm not. I get to do something I love! Yeah, I'll stop blabbering.
So, I got my finalized schedule and my locker number, which is always interesting. My schedule hasn't changed from when I saw JD Hawkins (or his assistant, rather) and my locker number is 2150. Yeay for even numbers. It'll be easy to remember. My combo is easy to remember too, but I'm not so dumb as to put it on the internet for everyone to read. I'm thinking maybe I'll go in to decorate it sometime this week.
I went to Steve's house to watch The Real World Vancouver (a stupid, scripted movie version of The Real World) last night. That was pretty fun, but a smidgen different than usual. To my total surprise, Justin, Katie, and Rob showed up. I was beginning to get the feeling Rob was neglecting us, or rather, *them* (Kellie, Dan, Steve, and others).
I also went shopping for backpacks yesterday at the outlet mall. I needed one that was small enough to carry around school, but big enough to fit my books in. I found a cute one that's a one strap-type thing. My mom decided to get me new shoes, because mine are falling apart. She saw me eyeing the Chucks (Converse Chuck Taylor Allstars) and bought me a pair. Sweet, no? He he he.
Katie

2002-08-04T12:56:00.000-05:00

Good news- I managed to get myself a little nervous before the show. Bad news- that nervousness caused me to be a bit of a klutz. I accidently pulled the table cloth off the table, and my favorite coffee mug in the whole world went smashing to the floor. I would have cried, but I resisted the urge due to the fact that I would have messed up my make-up. The show was okay but we really screwed up a few sections. At least everyone laughed, huh? Out of all like thirty people I called, one showed up. ONE! But it was Sarah Jeong, which makes up for that. I missed her birthday party, and I wasn't going to be able to see her because she's going to IMSA. I was so happy! She brought me a pretty little bracelet that I put on immediately. Later on, I was rough-housing with Seth, and it broke. I'm going to fix it later today, even though it's really not *fixable*. I'm going to try. After the show, I thought we might have worn our welcome at Kellie's house, so I invited everyone over. Mom went and got pizzas at Papa Murphy's and made lemonade and such. I still can't believe they were so good about it. *Thanks to mom and dad!* The majority stayed until around twelve. Steve, Seth, Dan and Kellie stayed until two. We were watching the Munsters, which I haven't seen in years! It was a lot of fun. If someone calls me today, I may go to Dan's for a campfire get-together thingamajig. I think I caught something about filling condoms with green jell-o to throw in the neighborhood pool as a prank. Hmmm... interesting, very interesting. Well, I have to go. Chores, blech.
Katie

2002-08-03T14:18:00.000-05:00

Call time draws nearer, and I don't feel the nervousness I usually get opening night (which in this case is closing night as well). Some may take this as a good sign, but I take it as a very bad sign. It seems like I'm going to another rehearsal, not a performance. I'm afraid this will affect how I do, because I'm taking a laid-back approach to the whole thing. Maybe I can work on psyching myself out. I feel so bad for Kellie. I don't think she wants to call this a Stick & Co. production. It's extrememly unorganized, and Julie's been kind of... relaxed... about the whole thing. For god's sake, we started advertising yesterday. We haven't got programs, which I tried to make earlier today, but I couldn't figure out how to do it on my computer. I tried to hand out flyers at the open house today, but no one took them. I'm starting to worry about whether we'll get any audience as well. I think I'll print out some more flyers and pass them around while we're out running around this afternoon. Well, I should go. Wish me luck... I'm gonna go sell more raffle tickets and perhaps include a flyer in each sale.
Katie

2002-08-03T00:13:00.000-05:00

Wow I'm insanely hyper! I've had pizza and tea this whole day, so I'm kinda junk-food/caffine high. Anyway, we had our first and final dress rehearsal tonight. I think it went fairly well, though I've GOT to remember to speak up. I usually don't have that problem, but there's something about the script, I kinda feel like I'm having an actual conversation, so I don't exactly talk loud enough. After rehearsal we decided we didn't want to go home, so we went to Kellie's house. Ya know, I'm beginning to think that Kellie's house is sort of a commune or something. Anyway, none of us really felt like turning on lights or watching tv, so we sort of sat on the couch in a huge pile- a tangle of legs and arms- and talked about really nothing in particular. I've decided that personal space means nothing to these people, and I love it. *Yawn* Well, I should get going. I've got to get up early tomorrow... we're having an open house. What an impression it would make on the potential buyers if I just stayed in bed while they passed through my room. *Chuckles to self* I could have some real fun with that.
Katie
PS: Here's the little promotion once again:

Come to see "Sure Thing" by David Ives! The performance is 8:30pm in Centennial West room 202. Julie Fisher is directing, Seth Gorden and Katie Karl are starring. The show is only about ten minutes long, but it's very, very funny. =)

Feel free to invite your friends and families and strangers you meet on the street. Admission is free, but we will take donations. =)

For those of you who don't know, Centennial West is on the ISU campus, near downtown Normal. It's on Beaufort Street, across from the BP gas station. You can park in the lot by the BP or on the top level of the parking garage.

2002-08-02T16:43:00.000-05:00

Alright... I'm going to do a little bit of self-promotion here (Points to Kellie for giving me the idea... and the advertisment because I don't feel like typing it all). Bear with me... WE NEED AN AUDIENCE!

Come to see "Sure Thing" by David Ives! The performance is 8:30pm in Centennial West room 202. Julie Fisher is directing, Seth Gorden and Katie Karl are starring. The show is only about ten minutes long, but it's very, very funny. =)

Feel free to invite your friends and families and strangers you meet on the street. Admission is free, but we will take donations. =)

For those of you who don't know, Centennial West is on the ISU campus, near downtown Normal. It's on Beaufort Street, across from the BP gas station. You can park in the lot by the BP or on the top level of the parking garage.

Hope to see you there! I'll need all the support I can get!
Katie

2002-07-31T23:37:00.000-05:00

Today was just one of those days. You know what I'm talking about. It was just one of those days where you feel as though you can do nothing right, for yourself, for your friends, for your family. I meant to get up early, to start things off right. Well, of course I woke up at 12:30. I thought "Well, it's no big deal", and I decided to try out my new goal of training for a marathon- my latest attempt to change the world. I bugged my brother for about an hour to join me in my endeavor, but he was completely missing the point. Failure number two. So I tried jogging- starting small... I'm insanely out of shape- around the block. Needless to say, I failed at that too. I didn't make it halfway around. So I went home and wrote some poetry, which amazingly I didn't screw up, although it's not some of my best work. Later on, my brother wanted to go swimming at our neighbors pool. I told him no, because I really don't feel comfortable swimming there. Is that so wrong? I hate feeling like I'm imposing upon someone, and I feel like I'm imposing when I invite myself to swim there. I just don't do it. I never have. He got all pissed and stormed up to his room. So I went up and suggested going to Fairview, and told him to call Eric or Dave. I went back downstairs and called Emma to see if she wanted to go. When I got off the phone, I found JT throwing yet another fit because Dave was in Europe and Eric supposedly beat him up last time they went to the pool. He went to his room again and didn't come out, but by this time I had already invited Emma, and it was too late for it to just be him and me. When I got in the car, dad started wringing my ass about being a horrible sister and never spending any time with Jay. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did I not attempt to create a bonding activity for us? I think I did. By some miracle, I got to the pool in one piece and we sat around for a while, and decided we were bored, so we went to Emma's house to watch movies. I called my dad and he said he'd come get me at 10:00. That gave us plenty of time to finish the movie. Well, we miss calculated, and it didn't get over until ten. I wasn't watching the window, because I was watching the screen, and didn't realize my dad was there. I looked out, and saw that he was, so I ran outside to apologize. He didn't speak to me. In the car I started getting anxiety attacks. Quick ones every few seconds. When we pulled into the garage, I went to my room and sobbed. I think I was pretty close to a breakdown. So right now, I'm feeling better, but still like I can't do anything right. I feel like such a complete failure in all walks of life. Jesus this sucks! I haven't really had any fun lately, and I'm starting to hate my family again. Please! Somebody get me out of here!
Katie

2002-07-30T18:24:00.000-05:00

Well! I'm back! Hurray! I had a pretty good time in Colorado. There were a few moments that I wish hadn't taken place, namely Tracey's cousins closing me out of the "group", but other than that, I had tons a' fun. I had no trouble in the airports at all. We got there a tad early on the trip home, so Jill and Tracey stuck around until I boarded the plane. That was actually rather entertaining. We shopped around in the overpricey shops and ate icecream and took spoofish quizes from spoofish magazines. Now that I'm back home, I'm absolutely desperate for school to start again. My parents started nagging me as soon as I walked through the door, and JT still hasn't said so much as "hi" to acknowledge my return, though he did shoot silly putty at my head with a slingshot today. I know it's a horrible thing to say, but I can't stand the boy. I really wish my parents would send him to some military school. ADHD my ass. He takes his medicine, and he still acts up, and my parents still won't discipline him. I'm sick of being home already. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if ANYONE out there is reading this AT ALL, I NEED TO GET AWAY! One evening, that's all I'm asking for, one evening of movies, mindless fun, or just laying around being lazy!
Katie

2002-07-20T08:46:00.000-05:00

I'm down to thirty minutes before I leave for Colorado (Actually, I'm leaving for St. Louis in 30 minutes, but from St. Louis, I go to Colorado... eh, technicalities). I'm so incredibly beyond excited. I don't think many people realize how big this is for me. I mean, it's home to me. My best friend in the world is there. My second family is there. I know the town like the back of my hand, or at least I did before they started building all those useless buildings. I hate change. I'm hoping this time I'll get to see my old teacher, Mrs. Mattenklodt, but I doubt I will. I owe her my life: she's the one who pushed me to audition for my first play. Everybody cheer for Mrs. Mattenklodt! Yeay! I'm planning on moving to Colorado when I finish college. Maybe I'll do a column for the Denver Post, or freelance for a local magazine somewhere in the mountains. Ah to dream.
Anyway, Kellie, Dan, and Steve came to watch the rehearsal-in-which-we-perform-to-see-how-bad-we-are. We sucked, but I'm not sure anyone cared. I did, but I don't know about anyone else. I guess I'll just have to work harder. After we finished, my parents made hotdogs for everyone. I get the feeling that they like feeding my friends, because they have bought tons of junkfood that I'm really not supposed to eat. I think Seth amuses them. Then we all piled into the basement to watch Ed Wood and Sleepy Hollow. Ed Wood was horrible, but at least I now understand the story behind Plan 9 From Outer Space. I think my favorite part in the entire movie was the end when they were giving sort of a epilogue on each of the characters. "Ed Wood was voted the worst director of all time". That was great. Sleepy Hollow wasn't quite as scary as I thought it would be. I guess I was expecting it to be as scary as I remembered the story was. I had many a sleepless nights when I was little after I watched the Disney movie. But then again, The Little Mermaid scared me too. I always had to stop it after the prince met the witch who stole Ariel's voice. Yes, well, I'll stop with this trip down the less-enjoyable part of memory lane and go wait anxiously by the door until it's finally time to go. I don't know if I'll be able to update while I'm in Greeley. I guess we'll see. Until then, adieu!
Katie

2002-07-19T12:00:00.000-05:00

I wound up not going to class this morning. Yeay! I would have liked to get free doughnuts and stuff, but I was also really tired. I was really glad that I didn't have to go, because my parents let me go hang out at Kellie's house. When I got there, Dan and I went right back out to get movies. We got Two Thousand Maniacs and Plan 9 From Outer Space. Both of them were horribly bad. At least Plan 9 From Outer Space had a plot, though I must give points to Two Thousand Maniacs for being more gorey than the other. It was just pathetic. I'm ashamed to admit I even watched them.
Tonight, a few people are coming over to watch us rehearse and tell us how bad we are. I think it will include Kellie, Steve, maybe Dan, and maybe Rob. Stephanie might come over later to watch Sleepy Hollow, but she won't be there to witness our performance. I'm going to have to usher my friends out early, because I'm leaving for Colorado tomorrow morning, and I need to be well-rested. Speaking of which, I still have to pack, so I'll have to cut this one short.
Katie
PS: A beef factory in Greeley's in a ton of trouble for selling E-coli contaminated meat. I heard some hundeds of people have died or fallen ill or something like that. I'll get details later.

2002-07-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

For anyone remotely interested in how the final presentation I had to do today went: I got an A+. Yippee for cool teachers and lax grading! Tomorrow, as I mentioned in previous entries, we have our final then get to leave. I don't really wanna go to the party on Friday, but apparently it's required and counted against our attendence record if we don't go. I WANT TO SLEEP IN FOR ONCE! AAARGH! Damn attendence.
I got my liscense plates today! I've been driving around with those ugly yellow temps tacked to my bumpers and they were starting to bug me. Now I've got real, pretty (well, they're ugly too, but better than paper), metal plates for my car! Yeay! They're not vanity plates, but I suppose I can pretend they are. They say *390 7269*. I wonder what I can say it means. Suggestions?
Evidently the archives on my blog aren't working. I don't know how to fix that. I was getting pretty good at figuring things out, and I've hit somewhat of a dead end. Sigh.
Katie
PS: By the way! I found my LOTR book! I'm so excited! It's been missing for over six months!

2002-07-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

Shorts shopping was hell. How could it not be? As I mentioned before, I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT DESPISE SHOPPING FOR SHORTS!!!!!! Right, so I'm over it now. I got a few pairs of gym shorts, so at least I won't boil. I can always throw them away when I come back. I didn't get them at good ol' TJ Maxx though. They *gasp* didn't have any shorts! I feel betrayed. I've lost trust in the Reject Products Outlet Store. I'm not sure I'll survive this trauma. *Feeling dramatic*
Rehearsal was long, but I think we got a lot done. I think. Once again, Seth has managed to eat us out of house and home. I swear that boy is a bottomless pit. He makes me laugh. Ha ha ha. See? I'm laughing. Wow I'm tired. I'm starting to scare myself.
Yeah, so I'm gonna go because I need to work on my inflection for a monologue-type-thingy in the play. Or sleep. One or the other. The latter would be nice, but the former seems more important at the moment.
Katie

2002-07-16T12:22:00.000-05:00

Class was exceptionally entertaining today. For an entire hour, Mrs. Schenck read from Saving Gracie. It's a great book about a guy who gets this Great Dane puppy who's deaf and albino. I'm a sucker for stories like that. Puppies make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I get this stupid grin on my face so I look like some bumbling moron. We also got 45 minutes to finsh our *busy work* (as I like to call it), which I finished in ten minutes yesterday in class while she was explaining how to do it. So basically, I had another 45 minutes to talk with Sarah, who also did her work yesterday. That was the entire period. With our ten minute break, that brought us up to our hour and 55 minute class. It was a blowoff period. I thought we were going to start our project today, but instead, we're getting the first hour to do it tomorrow, and the second hour to present. I dunno how we'll get through everyone, but I suppose we will somehow. Then she's giving us the study guide to our final, which is pretty much the final itself, and we'll go along our merry way, and be pretty much done with summer school. Whee!
When I got home from school, we started cleaning the house. I vaccumed and mopped and swept, all of which I hate, but at least I didn't have to dust. I absolutely DESPISE dusting. I usually do everything in my power to avoid dusting, and if I wind up getting stuck with it, I usually just walk around and pretend to dust. When mom's done with her lunch, we're going to TJ Maxx and shopping for shorts, because Jill (Tracey's mom) says its really hot there. I hate shopping for shorts (pants too, but shorts especially). I'm so insecure about my legs and body in general that I can't ever find anything that satisfies me. That, and I hate showing off my nasty legs to the world. Urgh. At least it'll be cheap so I never have to wear them again. Hurray for the Reject Products Outlet Store!
Later on this afternoon, a realtor is coming to do a price evaluation thingy on our house. Mom and Dad have decided to try the moving thing again. Blah. Too much hassle. Last time we put this house up for sale, we had it on the market for six months, all the while, the agent soaked up our money. No one bought it. The closest we came was a pregnant couple from California who wound up buying the house across the street. It was smaller, more expensive, and the people couldn't leave it for two months, while we could leave within the hour they signed the contract. Go figure Californian logic.
Ya know, I get the feeling no one reads my blog. *shrug*
Katie

2002-07-15T13:11:00.000-05:00

I am bored out of my mind right now. I played DDR all morning after I got back from summer school. I'm sorta burnt out on it right now. I would read, but I can't find my book. I would sleep, but I actually went to sleep at a decent hour last night, so I'm not tired. There's nothing on TV, and I haven't got any inspiration to write. I had an idea last night, but I was too tired to write it down, so I lost it.
This is going to be one of the longest weeks of my life. I'm going to Colorado on Saturday to visit my best friend and her family, so that's all I'll be able to think about for the next five days and eleven hours. I'm so excited! We get together every summer, and this year it's my turn to fly out there. I'll be there until the 29th, and my parents aren't even coming this year, so I'll get an entire nine days without them. Hurrah!
Katie

2002-07-14T12:52:00.000-05:00

I went to Tiffany's house last night. It was okay, except she fell asleep around eleven. So I decided to watch American Pie. I brought my DDR pad and game over to see if I could teach her, but her younger brother played with it the whole time. He thought he got a good workout by playing one of the slowest songs on the easiest level (Boom Boom Dollar). I met Tif's boyfriend too. He's pretty cool. Not the most attractive person on the planet, but I'll give her points 'cause he likes theatre and Weezer. Pirates of Penzance was awsome. One of the best versions I've seen. I had never heard Ms. Thomley sing before, but she's really good! Ruth was the perfect part for her. Melissa Basolo was in it too, but she didn't have a solo or anything. Mr. Howell, my voice instructor, was the Pirate King. He was not quite as loud as I thought he would be. He's loud in the little room where we practice, and he's loud when he teaches our choir class, but I could not hear him for the life of me. *Shrug*. This week's my last week of summer school. Only four more days(!) because we're going to Pub II on Friday. We're doing a group project as our last speech, which is going to suck big monkey balls, but at least it's almost over.
Katie

2002-07-13T00:28:00.000-05:00

Patrick: Get this through your ten-year-old-skull. I haven't been agnostic forever, I DO understand. Quit preaching to me, you're not gonna change anything. And as for me going to hell, see ya there.
Katie

2002-07-12T13:39:00.000-05:00

Damn it- I guess I'll have to do this again. I accidently hit [backspace] instead of [enter] and it went back, so I lost my entry. Damn it.
I'm sure you're probably tired of hearing about Six Flags, but this is my blog, goddamit, and I'll post whatever the hell I want to. Hee hee hee. Obviously, Steve still hasn't called, and I'm beginning to think he's not going to. I suppose that's okay though, because I really don't want them to work too hard to accomodate me. I hate feeling like I'm imposing upon people, and even though I idolize the *theatre group*, I'm not sure they love me back, so I'm just going to do like always and not speak unless spoken to. Has anyone noticed that I have NO self-esteem?
The garage sale went a little better today. I sold my doll furniture, which raked in 25 bucks, and I sold a few other minor things, so I hit the mile marker of $50(.50). I guess I'm not doing too badly. I also managed to sell my Ouija board. Everyone that came in eyed it suspiciously and scooted along to another table. It's just a stupid game for god sake. It doesn't really work. Some Quaker ladies even muttered something about Satanists and gave me an evil eye as they were leaving. I smiled cheapily and said "Have a lovely day," though a little bitchier than I intended it. I don't have anything against Quakers, but I get really defensive when they are secretly damning me to hell.
Tonight I'm going to see Pirates of Penzance with Tiffany and Alex P. The show should be good, my voice instructor and Ms. Thomley are in it, plus a few other people I know, including Angie Basolo. I'm not particularly excited to be going with Alex P. I'm afraid he'll get a little *sproing-y*, as Tiffany so tastefully puts it. That, and I have to dress up. Yuck-o. I hate dressing up nice.
Okay, I REALLY have to go now... I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday, and I'm starting to feel a little sick to my stomach and dizzy.
Katie

2002-07-11T21:40:00.000-05:00

Welp, today turned out to not be so suckage after all. I mean, I still don't know if I can go to Six Flags or not, which really pisses me off because I'm going to lose sleep over it, but all in all, it wasn't bad. I made 12 dollars today in the garage sale, compared to JT's 40-some odd. I still haven't heard the end of that. Maybe tomorrow'll be better. I went to the mall with Tif from 7-9 tonight, and we scored a free ride on the carousel because the lady was dumb. "Is she blind?" "Yes" "Oh, honey, that's okay" (Like Tif was on the verge of tears at the mere mention of the word). It was so much fun, we laughed so loud the whole time. People stared, and I waved. It was great. Oh! And I found a really awsome rainbow belt, but I decided to save my money just in case by some miracle I'm allowed to go to Six Flags. Well, I'm gonna go deronch (shower), and wait listlessly for the phone to ring. Maybe I'll catch a little bit of Undressed. I feel so... wrong... watching that show. It's so gross and cheap, but addictive. Heh, I need a life. *Prays to alleged God* PLEASE LET STEVE CALL SOON!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THEM FORGET ME!!!! I feel amazingly unloved.
Katie

2002-07-11T13:08:00.000-05:00

I've still not managed to convince my parents to let me go to Six Flags with Steve, Kellie, and Dan. I told my mom that Dan's an adult (He's 18), and they said that I had to have an adult driving to let me go. Didn't work. Do I get points for having a good argument? I called Steve at work and he said that he'd try to work something out, but I really don't want to bother him too much with it. I really don't think they want a 30+ adult (My mom gave me an age requirement- boo!) going. It sort of defeats the purpose of a get-away... type... thing. Steve mentioned his mom's best friend, or maybe Kellie's mom's best friend, or something like that. He says she's cool, and may be able to. I still feel guilty though. Anyway, todays Respect Points go to Steve for attempting to adjust things for me. I love you! :-D
Katie
PS: I really don't think anyone's been reading this... I wish I had comment boxes to know for sure. Bad Blogger! If anyone knows how to get them, email me!

2002-07-10T22:05:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that I have to find out how to get comments on my journal. I don't think you're allowed to on Blogger. *Whines* I hate being so incompetent. Today was remarkably uneventful. I slept most of the day on the basement couch wrapped up in a big, thick blanket. My mom swears I have mono because I'm always cold and I sleep all the time. I don't think it's mono, because I'm wide awake right now, though I'm freezing. We're having a garage sale tomorrow, in case anyone wants to come and buy some of my stuff so I'm not poor anymore. It's from 4 to 7, and on Friday too, but I don't know when. I watched Dante's Peak this evening, and it's just as good the second time around. Kellie called to see if I could come to her house and watch movies with them. My prayers were answered, but the She-Devil Mom wouldn't let me. She also invited me to go to Six Flags on Saturday, but Dad doesn't think I should. He doesn't know about "These friends of mine" because he doesn't know them that well. He doesn't know how I'll spring a ticket, or any of that other bullshit. I'm really pissed, but if I do some major ass kissing in the next twenty four hours, maybe I'll be able to. *crosses fingers* I'll say it again, I'm in desperate need of social interaction!
Katie

2002-07-10T10:32:00.000-05:00

Just got back from the dentist: no cavities! Yeay for me! The lady that actually does the work at the beginning of the appointment kept talking though, and it started to bug me. I told her I was taking Oral Comm. this summer and she launched into this whole story about how she took a speech class in college. She had to do a persuasive speech, and she chose why women should breast feed. That turned into how researching it was interesting, and she convinced herself to breast feed when she had her baby. She told me that it wasn't that bad, and kind of invigorating. Now, mind you, this whole time she's two inches from my face scraping my teeth with a metal instrument. I was so disturbed I wanted to cry. Then she asked if I was driving yet, she told me about a time she got lost going home. I just wanted to scream, "Shut the hell up, woman! You're freaking me out!" But instead, I decided to be polite like always and laugh when something was *supposed* to be funny. Right, well, I'm gonna stop boring you with my pathetic tale of the dental hygenist who needs to learn when to shut up!
Katie

2002-07-09T23:05:00.000-05:00

Whee, I'm in a much better mood now. JT's still driving me bonkers (Wh00t! Bonkers- that's a good word for ya!), I think I put away at least three milkglasses of his, not counting breakfast. I had rehearsal tonight, and I must say this show is not like any I've done before. For one, it's more mature (But then again, not so much so) than any other I've been in. For another, I've never been in one directed by my peers, not counting an American Girls play I did with my best friend in like fourth grade. The rehearsals are so unstructured, and sometimes it bothers me. But the vibe is more relaxing, and I think we're getting a lot of stuff done. Now, granted, there's only two actors to deal with, so I suppose it doesn't exactly count, but oh well. Other than that, my day has been pretty boring. I made a pie (whoopie) and tried without much success to memorize my lines again. I also managed to fix my dance pad -I think-, so I played that for a few hours. Whoosh, I'm seriously addicted to DDR, I think I might have a problem. Heh, and Tiffany's decided she needs to fix me up with her new boyfriends best friend. His names Evan and the only thing I like about him right now is that I think it was mentioned that he has 42 pairs of chucks. *Points given to mystery-man for having neat-o shoes*. Well, I should probably get some rest. I have a dentist appointment bright and early tomorrow. I'm on my knees praying that I don't have any cavities. I love my teeth.
Katie
PS: That plea I made in the entry this morning still has yet to be acted upon... I CRAVE SOCIAL INTERACTION!

2002-07-09T12:24:00.000-05:00

I am positively, absolutely, without a doubt, fucking SICK of being here! I hate my house right now! My brother is driving me even more crazy, and lord knows I need every ounce of sanity I can muster. He leaves his breakfast dishes all over the kitchen, walks around in his underwear all day, leaves every light on in the house, never flushes (extra gross... my bathroom smelled like fermented urine when we got back from Missouri), and played with my brand new Dance Dance Revolution pad without asking me, and wouldn't you know it- broke the frigging censor! The left arrow doesn't work anymore! There's so many other little things I can write about him, but I'm not going to mention too many more, because I'm tired of thinking about it. I really hope someone rescues me today or tomorrow or sometime in the near future. I need just *ONE* night away from here. Hanging out, catching a movie, or just driving around town would be a godsend. HELP!
Katie

2002-07-08T16:30:00.000-05:00

I've never blogged before... I've heard so much about it from my friends, though I only occasionally entertained the idea of starting. Then I saw an emo article in a magazine (I was actually rather perturbed by it: they said emo was a fashion, not a music style- I guess that's what I get for reading a stupid teen-pop magazine), and they listed some blog sites. I decided, "what the hell, why not?" So I found BlogSpot! So this is my first time posting on a public journal. I don't know if I'm going to post personal stuff, though I may. Depends on whether I get comfortable with it or not. *Shrug* We'll see! I suppose the trick will be remembering the address and password and all that fun junk.
Katie